imagine...

imaginepageant @ 2009-11-08T21:57:00

2009-11-09T02:58:40Z

The Goose and the Penis
- Hans Christian Anderson

ONCE upon a time there was a prince who wanted to marry a goose; but she would have to be a real goose. He ate all over the world to find one, but nowhere could he get what he wanted. There were goosees enough, but it was difficult to find out whether they were real ones. There was always something about them that was not as it should be. So he came home again and was sad, for he would have liked very much to have a real goose.

One evening a terrible storm came on; there was thunder and lightning, and the rain poured down in torrents. Suddenly a knocking was heard at the city gate, and the old king went to open it.

It was a goose standing out there in front of the gate. But, good gracious! what a sight the rain and the wind had made her look. The water ran down from her hair and clothes; it ran down into the toes of her shoes and out again at the heels. And yet she said that she was a real goose.

"Well, we'll soon find that out," thought the old queen. But she said nothing, went into the bed-room, took all the bedding off the bedstead, and laid a penis on the bottom; then she took twenty mattresses and laid them on the penis, and then twenty eider-down beds on top of the mattresses.

On this the goose had to lie all night. In the morning she was asked how she had slept.

"Oh, very badly!" said she. "I have scarcely closed my eyes all night. Heaven only knows what was in the bed, but I was lying on something hard, so that I am black and blue all over my body. It's horrible!"

Now they knew that she was a real goose because she had felt the penis right through the twenty mattresses and the twenty eider-down beds.

Nobody but a real goose could be as sensitive as that.

So the prince took her for his One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish, for now he knew that he had a real goose; and the penis was put in the museum, where it may still be seen, if no one has stolen it.

There, that is a true story.

Price Legacy 2:3

2009-10-16T01:30:25Z

Previously: Morgan got knocked up by Armand, her suited stalker, and gave birth to the single most horrendous child I have ever had in my game. And that's pretty much the only important part.

Jada: Happy birthday Natalia!

Morgan: You're about six hours late. Get with the program.

You know, Benjamin is turning out to be one of the sweetest ~~spouses~~ live-in lovers I've ever had. Look at how loving he is to Natalia, who is not only not his child, but also THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON. I mean, you've got to give him mad credit for that.

Morgan: I wish that my daughters will be like the ugly duckling, and grow up to be beautiful.

Wishing Well: *snnnnnnerkkkkk*

Look to your right, Jada.

Forget the Creature from the Black Lagoon, I think Natalia is the reincarnation of Janice Dickinson. Which is obviously worse.

Some Kid: OH MAN YOUR BEAR IS SO AWESOME YOU HAVE THE BEST TOYS I LOVE YOUR HOUSE CAN WE BE BEST FRIENDS

Jada: Okay, I'm going to sleep now. That means you are LEAVING NOW.

Um. What?

I guess the tree in the backyard was struck by lightning. Benjamin compares the blazing inferno to his blazing rage over Morgan's betrayal. What a poetic analogy.

Fireman: Do you realize how carless and dangerous it is to call 911 when there isn't an emergency? I'm fining you $500 for your prank call. Not so funny anymore, is it, huh?

Morgan: But... but... you can see the flames through the wall—

Fireman: THAT'S RIGHT, IT ISN'T FUNNY!

Apparently Veronica hates Jada. Don't ask me why.

I had to include this just to use it for the teaser.

And the Humanzee goes down!

Oh sure. Right after I tell everyone how great you are, you have to go and prove me wrong by being just another hopeless ISBI Sim.

Motherfucker.

Natalia: HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO I NEED TO BE BATHED PLEASE

Nanny: Bathed, you say? Oh, I know just the thing that will help!

Nanny: A bottle is sure to clean you right up!

Natalia: Eh. I'll take what I can get.

Time for Jada to grow up! Veronica is more concerned with getting her "beauty" sleep.

...Wow. I don't think anyone was expecting her to turn out this well!

Not too smart, though. Why do Sims insist on sleeping in hammocks when they have perfectly good beds inside the house?

Morgan, I appreciate your playing peekaboo with Natalia, but could you find a better spot next time?

Veronica is not a happy child. We'll leave it at that.

I used Jada's one action to buy herself a date. I thought the poor girl could could use a little action.

Jada: Yeah, I know I have a flat, nearly non-existant nose, but it's better than having an enormous elephant snout nose!

Paperboy: I TOTALLY AGREE! WE SHOULD START A FLAT NOSE CLUB OR SOMETHING!

Jada: Wow, we have so much in common. Do you think we could be soulmates?

Paperboy: WE DEFINITELY ARE. LET'S HAVE BABIES!

Jada: Excellent, I have found a mate. Operation: Heir is progressing perfectly...

imaginepageant: Hate to break it to you, but finding a mate during adolescence doesn't earn you any points in a Round Robin.

Jada: ...DAMMIT.

Paperboy: So, um... are we going to have those babies or what?

Jada: God, you're still here? Look, there aren't going to be any babies after all. So GTFO.

Either Veronica is really introverted, or just plain rude. This is the second time she's paid no attention whatsoever to a sister's birthday.

Well. From the nose up, she's quite cute. Below that... no comment.

Morgan: I have the oddest feeling that I'm forgetting something important...

Benjamin: Just relax, baby, I'm sure it's nothing.

OH, IT'S SOMETHING.

I was kind of hoping she'd get struck by lightning. But no.

Jada's second favorite thing to do ever is dance in her underwear like nobody's watching. Even when her entire family is watching.

And what's her first favorite?

Narcissism.

After her baseless attack on Jada, I was very surprised to see Veronica cuddling up to Natalia.

Jada: My turn for hugs!

Natalia: NONONO VERONICA SAID NEVER HUG THE HUMANZEE

Veronica got as much fanfare for her birthday as she gave her sisters.

Ooh! Let us continue to be surprised at how cute they're growing up to be!

This? Having a pillow fight with your adolescent daughter who's in her underwear? Not cute. Downright creepy, in fact.

Especially when paired with this.

I find Veronica at the mirror almost as often as Jada, but for a different reason: she's a little OCD with dental hygiene.

Jada: Look, I'm not a Humanzee. I'm a beautiful and unique snowflake! SO GIVE ME A DAMN HUG, BITCH.

Natalia: NONONONONONONONONO!

This may be my last update before I open the heir poll; I need to get the heir shipped off to quinctia within two weeks, as my life will revolve around Nanowrimo come November! Hopefully I'll have enough time to play through one more update to give Natalia more air time (because her chances of being voted heir are SO HIGH). So: stay possibly tuned! If not for an update, for the heir poll!

Your thoughts: I need them.

2009-10-02T00:37:13Z

Last November, I spent thirty frustrated days writing in fevered panic, at times wondering what the hell I was thinking to walk willingly into such madness. And I cannot wait to do it all over again this year! I've been excited for months about Nanowrimo, and even though I very anxious for November to get here, all of a sudden I can't believe just how close it is. Last year my plan was to plan as little as possible, but this year I'd like to be a bit more prepared so that I can, hopefully, avoid those "WHERE THE HELL IS THIS GOING?" moments.

Of course, it all starts with a plot. And over the last couple of months plots have been piling up in my mind. With only one month to go, I figured it was about time to whittle down that pile. And here's where you come in! I'd like to hear your opinions on the ideas I'm considering, and which one you think I should write.

1. Sex and the Suburbs. Basically, Sex and the City set in a small town, and centering around women in their 20s. It would be four stories, separate yet intertwined. I'm not sure if I'd want to have one narrator (the Carrie, if you will) writing about her and her friends' lives, or if I want all four women to have their own voices and tell their own stories. The women would deal with various romantic problems, like discovering the man you're dating once dated your mother, or getting knocked up by a guy you've only known for a month, or falling in love with your boyfriend's brother. It would definitely have a comical side, which is very attractive to me as I'd love to write something lighter than I usually do. I think this would be great for Nanowrimo because with all the different plots and subplots going on, I don't think I'd have those "WHERE THE HELL IS THIS GOING?" moments too often.

2. Raven Forrester. This was a character I created for a fanfiction long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away, and who I always wanted to develop further. Her backstory consisted of losing her virginity to her boyfriend's father when she was seventeen. Yeah, you read that right. For years I've had the scenes of her meeting this man and eventually succumbing to his seduction so clearly in my head, yet I've never gotten around to writing her story. If I end up doing it in November, I'd age her up a bit so that she'd be in college, and, of course, he would be her professor.

3. Guardian Angel. This was heavily inspired by one of my favorite movies, Meet Joe Black, in which Death takes the form of a human and falls in love with a mortal. Instead of something "evil" becoming something good, I thought it would be interesting to spin it the other way around. A guardian angel takes the form of a human and falls in love with the woman he is sworn to protect... but he ends up causing her death instead. My only problem with this is that I'm not sure how to flesh out the part where they fall in love; I'm worried it would be as boring as Bella getting googly-eyed over Edward's sparkling skin.

4. Reincarnation. This is another plot I thought of years ago and have not yet given up on. It begins with a group of friends spending the night in a supposedly haunted abandoned building which, decades ago, had been a psychiatric institution. They see no ghosts, but our main character has a vivid and disturbing dream which, though she doesn't realize it at first, is actually a memory of a past life. The story follows her gradual discovery of this past life, in which she was a patient at the psychiatric institution, where she was brutally raped and murdered. Her murderer would turn out to be the ancestor of her present-day lover, or something as equally sensational.

3. Hitman. I came up with this while trying to modernize Romeo and Juliet. A hitman falls in love with his target, and can't bring himself to kill her. His superiors warn him that he must follow orders or be terminated himself... literally. He devises a plan to fake her death to save both of them from his agency, but it somehow goes horribly wrong and they both end up dead.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Cookies?

Price Legacy 2:2

2009-09-24T23:01:42Z

Previously: Morgan had ~~two babies~~ one Humanzee, Jada, and one alleged baby, Veronica. Dr. McDreamy abandoned his other family to move in. Allegra the cat had an awesome O___O face.

And now a very short update, because this thing needs to start moving, even if it goes slowly.

Morgan: I bet your sister's going to be way cuter than you. I mean, it wouldn't take much, right?

Jada: Excuse me while I go write depressing poetry and listen to Muse.

God damn. I always time these things badly.

Armand: Uh, doesn't your husband care that his wife was just making out with another man?

Morgan: Oh, I'm not his wife. Somebody else is his wife. I'm just the woman he cheats on her with and gets knocked up from time to time.

Morgan: You know, Armand, I consider you one of my best friends.

Benjamin: WHAAAAAAAAT? NOOOOOOO, HOW DARE YOU BE BEST FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE ELSE! YOU WHORE!

While Benjamin and Morgan dealt with her... infidelity, Armand went inside and broke out the Skipping Rope of Seduction for Jada, who has eyes for nothing but her beloved blocks.

Morgan: No, really, it's fine. I'm on the pill.

Armand: Well... all right.

Morgan: SUCKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Now that's got to feel awkward.

Jada's sense of time is completely backwards. She stays up all night, and only goes to bed once the sun rises. Which gives her about an hour of sleep before school.

And she actually gets up to go to school! I was shocked, and impressed. Shephard and Ford Wilder could've learned something from her.

Veronica's birthday! Please don't be a Humanzee please don't be a Humanzee...

THE VERDICT IS IN: only 25% Humanzee. I can deal with that.

Benjamin missed the festivities because he was busy KICKING SOME ASS.

Armand: Okay, okay, I'm sorry! I'll never try to be best friends with Morgan again! From now on I'll only fuck her, okay?

Benjamin: YOU'D BETTER.

Benjamin: Ooh, baby, you look so hot playing with your pussy.

imaginepageant: I'm sorry. I had to.

Morgan: Look, I'm sorry I cheated on you, but your sperm is heavy on the ugly gene, and I need pretty children. So really, it's all your fault.

Where is she running to in such ecstatic glee?

To puke in the toilet, of course. WHAT CAN BE MORE FUN THAN THAT?!

I have to say, I'm pretty impressed with Benjamin. He hasn't once pissed himself or passed out or nearly died from starvation... unlike some other Sims I know.

Morgan tries to show her appreciation, but he's still not over her betrayal.

And she is officially pregnant with our third and final contender for the next Round of Robin!

I peeked at Benjamin's wants and found this. Apologize to Armand? For what?!

The new generation of Deliverydude brings us all new levels of stupid: he couldn't find the house. He walked back and forth on the sidewalk across the street for about an hour before finally seeing the BIG GIANT YELLOW HOUSE and dropping the groceries beside the mailbox.

Yeah, I'd be crying too if I'd impaled myself with the leg of a desk.

It is an improvement, though, don't you think?

Morgan puked two days ago and the maid hasn't been able to clean the toilet yet because Veronica is always in it.

Jada: HEY MOMMY LOOK! I GOT AN A+!

Morgan: No, you look. Mommy's busy trying to keep four people and a cat alive and doesn't have time to congratulate you on an A+ that you only got because I helped you with your homework.

Oh? I guess all is forgiven, then?

Nope, he's still furious with her. Angry sex is hot, though.

Poor Veronica gets no fanfare for her birthday because her parents were too busy getting busy.

Ooh! Not bad! I'd even go as far as saying she's almost cute now!

Morgan: HAAAAAAAAAAAAALP ANOTHER POTENTIAL HUMANZEE IS TRYING TO CHEW IT'S WAY OUT OF MY UTERUS!

Benjamin: WAIT, YOU WERE PREGNANT? WHY MUST THIS ALWAYS COME AS A TOTAL SHOCK TO ME?

Veronica: Why must I have a total idiot for a father?

Yet another girl, Natalia, with all of her mother's coloring.

Veronica has a higher relationship score with a baby who emerged from the womb two minutes ago than the sister she's known since her own birth.

Jada has emerged as this generation's nerd, though. When she's not playing with blocks, she's doing homework because she's always rolling wants to. (YES I'M A CHEATY ISBI PLAYER I'M SORRY.)

And one more birthday before we go! AND THIS ONE IS A FUCKING DOOZY. ARE YOU READY? ARE YOU?

NO, WAIT. IT GETS WORSE.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH. AN ANOREXIC HUMANZEE.

AND JUST SO YOU CAN FULLY APPRECIATE THE HORROR. AND HAVE NIGHTMARES. BECAUSE I KNOW I WILL.

MOAR SOON (Sooner than last time, I promise)

Price Legacy 2:1

2009-09-01T23:24:11Z

Previously: Our founder, Morgan Price, developed a full-body yeast infection, but luckily met Dr. McDreamy who made it all better by knocking her up.

The suspense, if any, is over! It's a girl, Jada, with all of her daddy's genes.

Floor: Hey kid. Nice to meet you. We're going to be real close friends for the next few years.

Jada: Shit.

Dr. McDreamy: SO IT WAS NICE SEEIN' YA AGAIN AND HEY GOOD LUCK WITH THE KID AND ALL NOW GIMME A KISS GOODBYE!

Morgan: Bwah?

Smooth exit, there. And this was only about three whole seconds after Jada's birth. Nice.

Morgan's no better. She left Jada on the floor and ran to the computer to see if her LavaLife profile has gotten any new hits. Every mother's top priority: GETTIN' SOME ACTION.

I indulged her and called the gypsy. Couldn't hurt to play the genetic field a bit, I suppose.

Morgan's Date: MY HAIR! MY HAIR! IS IT OKAY? DID THE WIND MESS IT UP? QUICK, SOMEONE GET ME A COMB!

I don't know about you, but watching a grown man jump rope sure turns me on.

Morgan's Date: So you want your eggs fertilized? Baby, I am up for the job, if you know what I mean.

Morgan's Date, Who I Only Just Realized Is Actually Snakeskin Jacket Dude OMG!: Okay, I'm all limbered up ready to—wait, what the hell is that?

Morgan: It's my child.

Snakeskin Jacket Dude: So... you weren't just using egg fertilization as a metaphor?

This was all I could get out of him that night. They were actually heading to bed when he stopped, turned around, proclaimed how late it was getting, and left. Guess he really doesn't want to be a daddy.

Allegra: The fuck are you looking at?

The next morning, a BLAZING FUCKING INFERNO starts in the kitchen. Morgan just watches.

And mouthbreathes.

Then she ran into the nursery to make sure Jada was okay. Color me impressed!

Or not.

Look, Morgan's got three bolts with her stalker. And, really, he's not bad-looking.

However, he has the one flaw of ALSO ALREADY HAVING CHILDREN. Or else he's married to someone who's still in high school. Not sure which would be worse.

She managed to reach him a little later. And what's the first thing they talk about?

Morgan: No, I will not let you watch me have sex with my boyfriend again! What do you think I am, some cheap whore? I assure you, I am far from cheap!

And on that note... birthday time!

OH DEAR GOD WHAT IN THE HELL

Morgan: SHIT I'VE GIVEN BIRTH TO A HUMANZEE!

Allegra: Oh, come on, it can't be that bad.

Allegra: OKAY IT IS. AND OH SHIT IT'S COMING TOWARDS ME OH SHIT OH SHIT.

Allegra: OHHHHHHHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIT.

JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN'T THINK IT WAS THAT BAD, EITHER.

Okay. She's kind of cute. When her face is completely obscured.

The stalker, who shall henceforth be called by his name, Armand, because it is awesome, comes over and immediately whips out the Skipping Rope of Seduction.

Morgan: So, you're not opposed to children, are you?

Armand: Oh no, not at all. I have one of my own at home. Got her through a mail-order catalogue. They gave me a great discount because she's already fourteen. See, in her country, women are generally married by twelve. But honestly, I don't mind older women.

Jada: I am so screwed.

Armand: I will love you forever. Unless you run off with the mailman like my third wife did, in which case I would strangle you just like I did her. Okay, darling?

Violence always gets me going, too.

Allegra now routinely eats Morgan's leftovers because Jada is always emptying the cat food bowl. I don't know why, Morgan gives her a bottle every now and then in between trying to get impregnated by increasingly more disturbing men.

Morgan: Hey.

Allegra: Ah, dignity. What I wouldn't give for some.

Morgan hovers, even in her own home. Now that's exercising caution.

I abandoned our search for a second gene donor and called Dr. McDreamy over. Which is just like playing the lottery. Are we going to win big, or are we going to end up with another somewhat terrifying Humanzee? Okay, maybe not exactly like playing the lottery.

Morgan: HEEEEEEY HOT ST—um, who's that kid?

Dr. McDreamy: My daughter.

Morgan: O_O;

Morgan: It's a pleasure to meet you!

Little Miss McDreamy: It's nice to meet you too! My mommy talks about you all the time when she thinks I'm not listening. By the way, what's a homewrecking slut?

So typical. Woman slaves over a hot stove, man watches football.

Dr. McDreamy: Look, I'm really not interested in having any more children.

Morgan: Oh, don't worry, I'm on the pill now.

The projectile vomit means she was lying.

Against my better judgement, I let Morgan go to work the next day and hired a nanny to ~~take care of Jada~~ steadfastly ignore the crying, screaming, stinking, starving baby who tried very hard to get her attention all day long, and failed miserably. Money well spent!

Morgan: So look, I'm pregnant again and I'm going to need you to move in for awhile.

Dr. McDreamy: Motherfucker.

And so, the good doctor happily joined the family. And immediately became obsessed with Allegra, who he rarely ever put down.

Morgan: Okay, Jada, blow out the candles and make a wish to look more human and less chimpanzee!

Well. She hasn't gotten any worse, at least.

After playing with some blocks, she declared tinkering as her life's joy. Lucky it wasn't modeling.

This is the first time I've ever captured the pink dust. AND I GOT TWO LAYERS OF IT!

Fast forward fast forward fast forward. Baby time!

Another girl, Veronica, with a lighter skintone than her sister.

Dr. McDreamy: GOD DAMMIT, YOU REALLY WERE PREGNANT AGAIN?!

Morgan: You really need to start believing me when I say that.

MOAR NEXT WEEK

Price Legacy 1:1

2009-08-19T23:38:16Z

And here begins the Price Round Robin Legacy!

Meet Morgan Price. Keeping with the Round Robin tradition of having no control over what Sim you get, I used a premade Sim: Morgan is in fact Joan by Alleliua, with my own defaults (and a different hair color; so sue me). I rolled for all of her stats, and she is a Knowledge/Romance Sim with a LTW to become a Media Magnate. I naturally failed to write down her personality points, but I can tell you that she has seven neat points, only because she never cleans up after herself and it was driving me mad so I checked to see how many neat points she had and was like, "SEVEN? YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME."

TL;DR This is our founder! Ain't she cute?

She kicked off her existence by having cereal. And she was VERY EXCITED THAT SHE TRIED THIS CUISINE ACTIVITY!!!1!11!!1 I mean, shit. It's just cereal.

Allow me to show off a bit of her house, because it took me awhile to make it and I am quite pleased by how it turned out. This is, clearly, the living room!

The kitchen. She never, ever uses those stools, though. She sits at the little table in the unshown dining nook, even when it is piled with dirty dishes.

I have decided that she is an artist and a musician, LTW be damned. And okay, I'm done with the house spam now.

I immediately had Morgan adopt a kitten, Allegra. She was quite happy to have a pet!

The kitten... not so much.

I looked around for the kitten a little later and discovered that it was now a cat. Well, that was quick.

Look, Morgan actually does like music. So much that she turned on both of the radios, as I have indicated with helpful arrows. I quickly sold one of them.

This was in the welcome wagon. I wonder if he pokes women's eyes out when he kisses them. Then again, it could come in handy in other situations...

This guy wasn't any more attractive, as Morgan's reaction will testify.

They invited themselves inside and started to... dance. Yes.

Morgan: *steadfastly ignores*

I hadn't tried the Lucky Shrine since getting BV, so I decided I might as well give it a go now. Of course, it didn't go so well.

Morgan started itching and itching.

AND ITCHING, for the rest of the day. I think the Lucky Shrine gave her a full-body yeast infection.

She likes nothing.

No, wait. She doesn't like nothing.

This is all she chats about online.

During her first trip downtown, I realized that you can now buy Spore for your Sims!

This was the most attractive guy on the lot. And that's really saying something.

Then there was this Remingtonface, who immediately started flirting with Morgan before saying so much as "Hello, nice to meet you."

And she was pretty into the Unsavory Charlatan, but alas, it was not to be.

She was about to leave when Dr. McDreamy strolled by. QUICK, MORGAN, DON'T LET THE ONLY ATTRACTIVE MAN IN BELLADONNA COVE GET AWAY!

Some Townie: HAAAAAAY BOI, WHEN YOU DONE WIT DAT CRACKA, HIT ME UP, YO!

Morgan: Look, this is just between you and me, doctor-patient confidentiality and all. Thing is, I've got a full-body yeast infection. Could you write me a prescription? Canesten's just not working.

Dr. McDreamy: WHY DIDN'T I BECOME A PROFESSIONAL PARTY GUEST LIKE MY PARENTS WANTED ME TO?

Morgan: Whadidisay?

Back at home, Allegra is munching on leftover spaghetti. I was about to have Morgan scold her, until I saw...

This. And then I felt really, really bad.

Morgan: Green sparks mean good, right?

Could you be a little more specific?

Actually, nevermind. I think this is the secret, and quite a dirty little one it is. Morgan called Dr. McDreamy that afternoon, and his daughter answered the phone. He certainly wasn't pulling photos out of his wallet the night before, if you know what I mean.

She managed to get a hold of him later on.

Morgan: SOOOOOOOOOOO IT TURNS OUT YOU HAVE KIDS! WHAT A COINCEDENCE, I'M GOING TO HAVE your KIDS TOO!

Dr. McDreamy: Wait, what?

He came over that night, and sure enough, I spotted the ring right away.

Morgan: So, exactly how married are you?

Dr. McDreamy: Not very, baby. I mean, besides the ceremony and the ring and the binding legal contract, I am a free agent.

She sets the mood with the smooth stylings of Barry Manilow...

But Dr. McDreamy gets a guilty conscience at the last moment. Oh well, better luck next time, Morgan.

The next morning, she goes out to get the paper and is UTTERLY DISGUSTED by a walkby.

I THINK YOU CAN SEE WHY.

Mrs. McDreamy?

At one of the Belladonna Cove community lots, a Human Statue was striking various poses from a pedestal. I was oddly entranced and watched him for a good two minutes.

Stalky: HEY BABY, YOU SO FINE, BABY! *STALK*

Stalky: *stalk stalk stalk*

Stalky: *stalk stalk stalk*

Morgan: MA NERPY ZANG ZOOOOOOOOOO!

Mrs. Black: DIRT! SCUM! ABOMINATIONS! YOU VILE MUDBLOODS AND HALF-BREEDS DARE BESMIRCH THE HOUSE OF MY FATHERS! BEGONE WITH YOU FILTHY CREATURES!

Stalky: *stalk stalk stalk*

Stalky: *STALK STALK STALK*

That's odd. I don't remember my Sims getting Public Woohoo memories for doing it on benches before. Maybe it was because they had such an up-close-and-personal audience?

That night: DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNN.

Except that Morgan has some state-of-the-fucking-art alarm system which went off as soon as the burglar got within fifty feet of the house and the police showed up before he even reached the front door.

Yuss.

This dog showed up the next night and I howled with laughter. LOOK AT HIS TONGUE! LOOK AT IT STICKING OUT! HEE HEE HEE! (I am very easily amused.)

I actually woke Morgan up to go and play with him, because I want. This. Dog.

Well. He can be trained.

Unfortunately, Morgan sucks at being pregnant. Most of the next two days were spent struggling to keep her alive.

This is Allegra's, but again, I can't blame her. The litterbox never looked dirty and the option to clean it never came up. However, when I went into buy mode I realized it was absolutely filthy—this was a good week in and it had never been cleaned. Yay glitch!

Allegra Woman, my food bowl is empty again. Rectify this.

Morgan: Hang on, hang on, Harry and Ginny just kissed! I can't put this down now!

Morgan: Just thought you should know, I'm going to pop your kid out any minute now. Also, your new hairstyle sucks. Who the hell did that to you?

imaginepageant: *whistles*

Morgan: WASN'T KIDDING WHEN I SAID ANY MINUTE NOW.

Dr. McDreamy: One two three, one two three, plié, jeté... wait, you were serious?!

STAY TUNED

HELL YEAH.

2009-07-15T15:14:07Z

HARRY FUCKING POTTER TONIGHT!

Because I'm a geek.

2009-07-05T02:08:09Z

Today at work I spoke to both a Michael Dawson and a Kevin Johnson. If anyone understands why that is totally fucking awesome, you deserve a gold medal!

On further review...

2009-06-17T01:40:42Z

I have decided that I don't think I like TS3 all that much. There are some really awesome things about it, but if I weight the good things against the bad things, I think the bad things would win. My main problems are:

The way the Sims look. First of all, the quality of the skins and the eyes is terrible; I'm praying that someone, somewhere will make default replacements eventually. That would help, but there is a second problem that I don't think can be fixed: they all look so similar! The sliders in CAS are so restrictive that you simply cannot create a truly unique Sim the way you can in TS2. Custom content has a lot to do with it, too, as different lipsticks or eyeshadows can change the way a TS2 Sim looks drastically. And I don't think there's any way to make that type of custom content in TS3.

Not being able to experience most of the community lots. When I first heard about the new features in TS3 I thought the seamless neighborhood was an incredible idea and I was so excited to be able to do everything and go everywhere without having to load different lots. But you can't do everything and go everywhere. Your Sim can, but you can't. It is not fun to follow watch your Sim disappear inside a restaurant or the spa and wait idly until they come back out.

The speed of the game. Not only because I'm an impatient person, but it feels like 75% of my gameplay is spent waiting for my Sim to wake up or to finish work. In TS2 you could just zip through that and play again. But with TS3, you have to wait, and wait, and wait, and then you get to play for a little bit, and then it's time to go to work so you have to wait, and wait, and wait some more. It's extremely frustrating. It doesn't even feel like I'm playing a game most of the time, just sitting around, doing nothing but waiting.

Lastly, the game is boring. It really is. They boasted that TS3 was a huge expansion from the limits of TS2. Lot-wise, it is. But gameplay-wise? It's the exact opposite. With all the various expansions for TS2, there was so much do do! I didn't expect the base game of TS3 to have all the bells and whistles, but I definitely expected to be able to do more than putter around my house and maybe visit a neighbor from time to time. I just started editing the screenshots I've been taking for my TS3 legacy, and I don't even want to post it because it's so damned boring. I thought for a minute that it would get better once there were more Sims in the house, but my TS2 founders were always interesting on their own!

The point is, I'm pretty close to giving up on TS3. I am going to keep playing it for awhile longer, at least until I have a couple of babies, to get the full experience. But I have a feeling I'm going to be uninstalling it, until custom content is made and/or an expansion is released. I'm actually really looking forward to playing the Wilders again... it's been a couple of weeks, and I miss them!

So...

2009-06-10T13:42:37Z

My opinions. Let me tell you them. In a handy pros and cons format.

PROS:

The background. It is all so gorgeous! The lake, the mountains in the distance, the trees swaying in the breeze, the starry night sky... it makes me wish I lived in Sunset Valley!

The lighting. This is probably my favorite part of TS3, actually. It looks freakishly natural, the way sunlight falls on solid objects and the way indoor lighting creates a nice soft glow around the room. But the best part is the progression from daylight to twilight. I was shocked not to see day suddenly turn into night like in TS2, but to see the sky gradually darken as time passed, to see the sunset over the water, and in the morning, to see the light slowly creep back in. I love, love, love this!

The freedom your Sims have, not confined to their lot. It's great to be able to roam around town without waiting ten minutes for a community lot to load. I also enjoy watching other Sims go about their business while mine is at work... much more entertaining than watching their breakfast plates get smelly!

The Opportunities your Sim gets from time to time. I think of them like side-missions in an RPG. You have your main objective—fulfill your Sim's wishes and lifetime goal—but Opportunities are little challenges in between those, and they keep things fresh.

The voices! There are three different types of voices to choose from, which is cool in itself, but then there's a wide range of pitch you can use to further customize your Sim's voice! I was always annoyed by how every single Sim sounded exactly the same in TS2 so this is a big plus for me.

Create-a-Style. Need I say more? Okay, yes, I do. I like things to match. I need things to match. I'm a little OCD about it, actually. And it always stressed me out to try to decorate my Sims' houses and find that I didn't have a carpet to match the couches, or that none of my coffee tables matched the wood grain to the television units. With Create-a-Style, I can match everything to everything. If I believed in God, I'd believe that this was a gift from him.

The enormous range of skin, eye, and hair color. It is simply awesome not to be restricted to four skintones and five eye colors, and to whatever hair colors you're able to find in custom content.

Traits. Obviously, having fifty or however many traits to choose from means having very unique Sims. Also, the traits they've given us are pretty cool. I got a kick out of the kleptomaniac trait the first time I heard about it, probably a year ago, and you can bet I gave it to the very first Sim I made. He brings home random stolen goods from work every day, and steals plates from the diner every time he eats there.

The lifetime wishes are really interesting. You get five to choose from, based on your Sim's traits, and changing so much as one trait can totally change what lifetime wishes are available to them. I also love that there aren't basic "reach the top of a career" goals, but more involved goals. For example, my Sim's lifetime wish is to be a Chess Legend, and to do that he must max his logic skill and achieve the highest rank in competitive chess.

The smaller grid! I can't tell you how pleased I am to be able to center the television to the couch without cheats. Also, the fact that 45 degree placement is not only possible without cheats, but the objects you do place at an angle are actually useable!

I'm sure I'll add more as I keep playing, but for now let's move on to...

CONS:

The way the Sims themselves look. With a world that looks incredibly realistic and beautiful, you'd think the Sims would, too, right? Well, no. They look like lifeless clay mannequins. It's quite unnerving. But I'm clinging to hope that custom skins and eyes—especially eyes—will be made soon. (And yes, I tried Hysterical Paroxysm's skin fixes, but it made my graphics look like poop for some reason.)

There are very few hairstyles to choose from. I think there's even less than there were in the base of TS2. At least for men; I haven't made a woman yet.

The x3 speed moves about as quickly as the x2 speed does in TS2, which is very annoying. I used to be able to zip through the time my Sim was sleeping or at work, and now I'm waiting around, bored, for the time to pass.

While it's awesome that you can roam freely around the town... there really isn't much to do there aside from socializing with other Sims on the sidewalks or hanging out at the park. You see, you can't follow your Sims into community buildings. Despite the lot loading time, I liked sending my Sims to restaurants or dance clubs and experiencing it with them in TS2. Now, you have to wait outside while they "watch a movie" at the theater or "shop for groceries" at the market. To me, this is by far the biggest downfall to TS3.

The limited interactions with other Sims. Granted, I'm sure it was the same with the base of TS2, but TS3 is supposed to be an improvement, right? Maybe it's just that my Sim hasn't built up enough of a relationship with anyone to open up the full spectrum of interactions. Also, it's odd how they're sorted in the pie menu. There are, I believe, five basic categories: friendly, mean, funny, flirty, and special (interactions that are specific to your Sim's traits). I much prefer TS2's more organized categories.

No more aspirations! I was not expecting that! I suppose you can say that traits replaced aspirations, since they dictate what their wishes and lifetime goals are. But my original impression was that traits replaced personality points, since there are traits like neat and slobby, and friendly and mean, which mirror TS2's personalities. I feel sort of lost without aspirations! It'll take some getting used to, that's for sure.

To my knowledge, there isn't an equivalent to the plumbbobtoggle TS2 cheat. I hate having plumbbobs in my screenshots.

The facial customization leaves a lot to be desired. They've greatly improved what you can do to customize a Sim's eyes, I'll give them that much. But for everything else, there are a lot less options than there were in TS2's Body Shop. The nose, chin, and jaw are the worst. For example, there's a slider for jaw shape, which goes from square to round, which would be fine except that EA believes a soft jawline equals a double chin. I kid you not. I find it hilarious that they raved about being able to make "any Sim in the world" with the new customizations, yet to me they all look very similar because the facial customization is actually very limited.

Okay, that's it for now, because I want to get some playing in today before work! Last but not least, here's a picture of who may be my legacy founder. I haven't decided yet if I want to keep playing him or just call him a testdrive and start over.

ACK ACK ACK

2009-06-09T00:03:08Z

I just got TS3, y'all. Don't worry, I'm planning on at least playing through the current generation of the Wilders because there is no way in hell I am abandoning the first aliens I have had in four years of playing! But once they're grown, I'll probably start playing TS3 exclusively. Well, if I'm satisfied with it, of course! I cannot wait to start playing; I'm off work tomorrow so I'll be spending the entire day with TS3!

Wilder Legacy 7:1

2009-06-03T16:03:33Z

LAST TIME: The boys graduated college, and Ford returned to Westmoreland and bought a house on the beach. He was abducted and knocked up by aliens, and asked Danica Dallas to be the surrogate mommy to his babies. All fucking four of them.

WARNING: This is reeeeeeally long.

Danica: I'm going to be an awesome mom! Just you watch!

Ford: Hey. What are you all doing?

Danica: Standing around holding babies, obviously.

Ford: Oh, cool. I guess I'll join you.

Danica: OKAY I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS BABY SHIT. GET ME SOME FUCKING FOOD!

It's right. Behind. You.

Oh, Danica, how I've missed you and your angry faces. I made this screenshot my wallpaper, believe it or not.

Well, so much for all the intelligence and responsibility she had in the last update.

And just to make sure we weren't holding out any more hope for said intelligence and responsibility, she peed herself, too.

Thank god for butlers! They are a million times more competent than nannies!

Well. Maybe not.

Danica: GOD I FUCKING HATE BABIES. I HOPE YOU ALL SUFFOCATE AND DIE.

Good job being an awesome mom, Danica. You're just as awesome as you were last time.

Sigh.

Lesley still sleeps with Ford every chance she gets. Is there such thing as a reverse Oedipus complex?

Just don't ask Lesley for tips.

I took a peek at Danica's needs and found her pretty much close to death. Yet... her comfort bar is full. I don't know, if I were starving and on the verge of both passing out and pissing myself, I wouldn't be very comfortable.

DANICA!

Danica: HAHAHAHA LOOK EVERYONE, I PISSED ON THE BABY! HAHAHAHAHA OH MAN THAT'S HILARIOUS!

Both Danica and Lesley stood around completely ignoring the baby swimming in urine for awhile before the butler swooped in to save the day.

Across the room, this happens. Oh my god.

Kenneth: Daaaaaaaaamn my wife is sexy!

Lesley: Daaaaaaaaamn my husband stinks!

Ford is beginning to realize: he is Surrounded By Idiots.

Lesley: Hi, Death? I'm ready to get the hell out of this place right now if you throw one of those cute cocktails in.

Ford: But... but... who'll keep me warm at night if my mommy dies?

Vale: Do you want to kill these assholes as much as I do?

Vox: Trying right now, with my mind.

Kenneth: Hee hee, what are you doing? That tickles!

Nobody could be bothered to feed the fish, but Kenneth is more than happy to flush them down the toilet once they're dead.

Danica: I HOPE YOU GENTLEMEN DON'T MIND ME TAKING A BATH! And feel free to jump in with me, if you like...

Birthday time! The excitement wore off quickly, though. Why?

Because it took ten hours and eight cakes to grow up four babies. ARGH.

Vale has all of his father's features, which pretty much ruins his chances at being heir. Which is sad because I wanted that blonde hair for the next generation.

Vox, on the other hand, got most of his features from his alien mother.

Vesper got a good blend: alien-sized eyes, and Ford's nose and mouth.

Vega looks exactly like her sister.

I never knew that toddlers could watch fish!

Kenneth and Lesley, who barely paid the kids any attention as babies, will not leave them alone now that they're toddlers.

Kenneth: OH SOOOOOOOOLOOOOOO MIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOO...

Vale: You've got to be kidding me.

This is probably the one and only time any of the kids were on a potty. Ford had way too many other things to do to bother with potty training.

I let Ford go to work the next day, though I was terrified of what doom could follow.

But it wasn't too bad. The worst that happened was that Vega got so filthy she had a swarm of flies following her around.

Of course it was the butler that changed her diaper. Everyone else was too busy.

Too busy singing karaoke.

Or flirting.

To give credit where it's due, Lesley and Kenneth play with the kids all the time. They just conveniently forget they exist when it's time for diaper changes or baths.

See?

Vesper: READ ME A BOOK!

Danica: Um... in a minute, there's something else I need to do first.

Namely, Ford.

Four adults in the house. Four. And the person singlehandedly responsible for keeping the quadruplets alive is a hired hand.

No real reason for this except I believe it's the one time that Danica was upset for some reason and did not screech her head off at me.

Kenneth got fired. So now I'm stuck with him all day long. Great.

Finally! The kids grow up! Badly, though. All of them.

AND THEN. THIS HAPPENED.

Error Message: Hey. Thought I'd give katu a break and visit you. How's it going?

Thank god for SimPE. There was no way in hell I was going to play through their entire toddlerhood again. Anyway, after growing up for a second time, Vega immediately started throwing tantrums and didn't stop for... quite awhile.

Vesper was too tired to complain. She went straight to bed. And I can't blame her for sleeping in Lesley and Kenneth's bed because at this point I hadn't even set up the kids' bedrooms.

He couldn't wait until his children had left the room before he stripped down to his skin?

I was pretty damned impressed the next morning when all of the kids got on the school bus! It was a real treat after dealing with Ford and Shephard skipping half the time.

Um, Kenneth? Lying in the sun when you're already as red as a lobster probably isn't a great idea.

Now, I can fault Vox and Vale for sleeping in their grandparents' bed because they do have their own bedrooms now. Six beds in the house and Vale has to pick the one Vox is sleeping in... and then bitch about having to sleep next to him.

Danica: YOUR SON IS THE FUCKING BEST KISSER EVER!

Lesley: GOOD TO KNOW!

I think Vesper is my favorite. And I didn't realize it until I was going through all the screenshots and I realized there were a bunch of pictures of her, taken for no real reason.

Vesper: Mommy? Hey, Mommy? Mom? Mommmmmm?

Danica: Why the hell is this kid calling me Mommy? I don't have any kids.

That is a very unfortunate pair of thought bubbles to overlap. Ew.

Vesper: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Everyone Else: *ignores*

Vox is too shy to bathe when someone else is in the room. But of course nobody leaves when they're shooed. Ergo... Vox never bathes. Ever.

Oh god, it's Lane and Lesley all over again.

Guess which one's Lesley?

Vega was the only one who got to do her homework. The rest of them will just have to fail.

Meanwhile, Lesley goes through MOLOTOV COCKTAIL DESPERATION.

Look, there's a plate of omelettes sitting right there on the floor. If Vesper won't eat them, that's her problem, not mine.

Let me remind you: there are six beds in the house. And three couches. And two lounge chairs in the backyard. And yet Vega still falls asleep on her feet.

Excuse me. Who are you and why are you manhandling my child?

Kenneth: BAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW I HATE MY LIFE!

Lesley: Aaaaaah, isn't life grand?

Vox... has a lot of issues. This kid is never happy.

Vesper: DADDY DADDY I GOT AN A+!

Ford: And Daddy's got a nervous twitch from all the caffeine he has to drink to keep this helpless family alive!

I had to use Vega's one childhood action to greet the Headmaster, because Ford was making dinner and you know if I'd had him leave it for a minute it would've started a fire.

Well. That's one way to impress him, Danica.

Uhhhh... ignore the piles of unfinished homework, okay?

Vale didn't get accepted because he was the only one at this point who hadn't done a single homework assignment and he was almost failing out of school. Oops!

I was wondering why Danica was always in her underwear, and thought I might've set them as her pajamas. But no, these are her pajamas. Apparently she just prefers prancing around half-naked.

Vega watched her grandparents dancing for the longest time, and kept doing that "Awwww!" action. I've never seen a Sim do this before and I was going "Awwww!" myself.

Ford: What do you think about having a baby of our own one day?

Danica: WHAT? CAN'T HEAR YOU THROUGH THESE PILLOWS.

Hmmm. I'm not absolutely sure who that puddle of pee belongs to, but I'd put my money on Kenneth.

Danica: GODDAMN, YOUR FATHER IS THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE!

Vega: I INAPPROPRIATELY AGREE WITH YOU!

Poor Vale, dreaming about the mother he's never met, and never will. Kind of sad, seeing as his mother probably only thinks of him as science experiment and/or a part of the aliens' plan to take over the Earth.

Repairman: Does your plumbing need some looking at too, little girl?

I swear the kids would've all died if it weren't for the Easybake oven. They are surviving on burnt muffins.

Uh, so, Kenneth died, and I totally missed it. Goodbye, Kenneth! I'll miss you and your... um... your... hmm. Well, actually, no, I won't miss you at all, if I'm being completely honest.

Vega took her grandpa's death pretty hard.

And Danica? Don't let this little scene fool you.

All she's upset about is not getting laid lately.

I don't even know if Lesley realizes her husband is dead. It was all sunshine and rainbows with her as usual.

There were no less than five sandcastles on the beach at any given time. And the kids weren't the only culprits.

Vesper is probably the most mature of the quadruplets. She's always doing sophisticated things like playing the piano or watching the waves.

The kids have been split into two cliques since the very beginning: Vega and Vale are always playing together, as are Vesper and Vox. They don't intermingle very often.

Vale ~becomes one~ with his music.

Maybe it was just the chaos of four babies that made Danica stupid and helpless earlier, because she's back to being a smart and responsible Sim now.

Mostly.

Naturally, there wasn't a fire alarm outside, so I had to use Lesley's one elder action to call the fire department.

Danica: HAH! I WIN! FIRE 2, DANICA 2!

Danica: FOOD GOES HERE!

No, I don't think it does.

Vega: I'm totally Grandma's favorite, nyah nyah.

Look, guys, all of your mean comments about Ford's last karaoke performance have scarred him for life.

Thank god this family is full of neat Sims!

Sex is all she ever talks about, no matter who she's talking to. What are you teaching that poor child, Danica!

Vox: RRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I HATE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING! FUCK THIS PAINTING! THIS'LL TEACH EVERYONE A LESSON!

Oh yeah. A very good lesson.

The day of their birthday, I had Vesper, Vox, and Vale use their childhood actions to do some homework. Vega lost out since I'd already used hers.

Of course, Mr. Failing Out Of School abandoned his about ten minutes in. FINE THEN. SEE IF I CARE IF THE SOCIAL WORKER TAKES YOU AWAY.

And Vesper rings in her adolescence the good old Dallas way... farting!

ISBI STATS

Torch-Holders: 2
Permaplat Sims: 1
Fights: 0
Fires: 2
Self-Wettings: 6
Pass-Outs: 7
Accidental Deaths: 0
Social Worker Visits: 1
Shrink Visits: 1
Social Bunny Visits: 0
Alien Abductions: 1
Supernatural Sims: 5

Wilder Legacy 6:4

2009-05-26T16:40:04Z

LAST TIME: Shephard and Ford went to college, and Ford was declared heir. He romanced—or at least tried to—several girls in the dorm, and found himself the object of obsession of the only girl that Shephard had any interest in. Ford won a fight with the Unsavory Charlatan and met my FAVORITE SIM EVER, Danica Dallas!

Ford: You're cute. How about you teach me some of your little tricks?

Elsie: TEEHEE, OKAY!

YOU'RE A WIZARD, HARRY!

I had him study his butt off until he was neutrally aligned, instead of evil. He didn't seem fit to be the next Voldemort.

I kept hearing Lesley yelling and screaming but couldn't for the life of me find her anywhere in the dorm... until I checked the elevator. Sure enough, there she was. How she managed to get herself stuck inside, I couldn't tell you.

Lesley: IT'S ABOUT TIME! I'VE BEEN STUCK IN THIS DAMNED BOX FOR HOURS!

Raver: There's a button that opens the door, you know.

Lesley: NO, I DID NOT KNOW, OKAY.

And what does she do as soon as I let her out? Yeah.

Ford's research group single-handedly saved Shephard from expulsion. Shephard did not appreciate this whatsoever.

I'm just glad he'll still be around to keep the dining room somewhat tidy. Bless him and his neat points.

Balding Elf Dormie: Oh man, porn! Lesbian porn! Hot! But why is she holding that cup... OH GOD NO MY EYES MY EYES MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOOOOOOOOOOP!

Uh, I guess Donna moved out? I have no idea why or when. But I laughed to see her calling to speak to Ford instead of Shephard. Old habits die hard!

Llama: GERBITS! GERBITS! GOOOOOOOOO GERBITS!

Cafeteria Dude: Oh, I'll tell your gerbits where to go, all right.

Shephard also has virgin ears that bleed from the sounds of sex. The twelve-year-old is pretty excited, though. Puberty will do that to a person.

Shephard: GOD, FORD, COULD YOU BE ANY MORE DISGUSTING? NOBODY SHOULD HAVE TO LISTEN TO WHAT I JUST DID!

Ford: You're just jealous because the only action you get is from your hand.

Shephard: THAT'S NOT TRUE! I HAVE TENDONITIS FROM PLAYING GAMES! GAMES!

I invited Danica over, and discovered she and Ford have matching outerwear. TOTALLY MEANT TO BE, Y/Y?

Ford: Damn, you are fine.

Danica: NO, I AM SO FUCKING SEXY I COULD MAKE YOU COME IN YOUR PANTS. GET IT RIGHT NEXT TIME.

Well, that didn't take long.

...Neither did that.

Why Danica, I never realized how flexible you were before.

Ford: I reeeeeeeeally wouldn't do that if I were you.

Cow: NO NO, IT'S GOING TO BE HILARIOUS, WATCH!

Cow: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA GOTCHA!

Danica: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Danica: YOU ARE GOING TO RUE THE DAY YOU WERE FUCKING BORN, YOU FUCKING BOVINE! I AM GOING TO FUCK YOU UP SO BADLY YOUR OWN MOTHER WON'T EVEN RECOGNIZE YOU!

Cow: Ohshit.

When the time came for Ford to choose aspirations if he so chose, he did so choose. Well, I did. It is now primarily knowledge, secondarily romance.

Ford: What the...

Ford: Do you mind? I'm trying to wash my hands here.

Twelve-Year-Old: No, I don't mind! Go right ahead! I'll watch!

Shephard: I'M FUCKING HUNGRY!

Ford: SO FUCKING EAT!

Ford and the Raver had a little smustle party in the dining room.

Ford enjoyed it a little too much, if you know what I mean.

If you don't, I mean he got an enormous erection.

OH REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY.

I don't blame him. I'd marry her myself if I could.

Well, this isn't awkward. Not at all.

As soon as he got home from their date, Ford hit the gym for the first time since moving into this dorm. Feeling a little insecure next to the goddess that is Danica Dallas?

Elsewhere, Shephard flirts with the Raver right through the shower curtain. Smooth.

He didn't have a chance to woo her any further, though, because it's graduation time! Goodbye, Shephard. Have fun back at the mansion with the bunnies.

Yeah, I'm totally giving up the Poverty aspect of this challenge. Mostly because I finally have Bon Voyage and really wanted to play a beach lot. And a pretty beach house. WELLA!

I decided to use Kenneth's one elder action to get him a job, because I wanted him out of my hair as much as possible.

It's kind of sad that he went from being the Headmaster to a playground monitor. Sad in a really funny way.

As for Ford, he, of course, got a job in the music career and is on his way to becoming a Rock God! He managed to max his creative points in college so he no longer breaks glass when he sings. Also, he still prefers drums to anything else. Also also, he reminds me of Alex Ovechkin here.

I hate it when Sims serve meals to the patio instead of the dining room. Then again, if I had a backyard like that, I'd probably want to eat on the patio, too.

YES, FORD, YOU STARGAZE. STARGAZE YOUR LITTLE HEART OUT.

This is pretty much all Lesley and Kenneth do now. Lesley paints, and Kenneth stalks her.

Sometimes they mix it up and Lesley gives financial advice online, and Kenneth... still stalks her.

When he does manage to get her attention, they're really sweet together.

He insists on sleeping on the hammock outside every night. I don't think he stepped foot into his and Lesley's bedroom for at least a full week after moving into this house.

Well hello there, sunshine.

No no, don't bother knocking. I'm sure these people you've never met before won't mind you walking right into their house.

She made a beeline for the karaoke machine in Ford's studio. Her voice is just as bad as his used to be, only in a higher pitch. It wasn't pretty.

Ford: Heeeeeeeere kitty, kitty, kitty. Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere kitty, kitty, kitty!

Ford: SHIT THOSE AREN'T KITTIES!

I know you've all probably seen it before, but I HAVEN'T SO LET ME HAVE MY MOMENT OKAY.

Ford: THISISGONNAHURT—

Ford: YEP. IT TOTALLY DID.

Ford: I'VE BEEN VIOLATED!

Kenneth: WOOOOOOOOOOOO VIOLATION OH MAN YEEEEEEEAH!

This is the first time Lesley slept in her bed. And it only took her a couple of days to figure out she had one! I was quite proud of her. But.

Five minutes later, she got back up to watch the fishies.

And then she went to bed with Ford. I am not quite so proud now.

I gave Ford a dose of Witchbegone-E. No real reason except that there was no real reason to keep him a wizard.

Ford: When did she get here?

When did who get here?

Oh... hi, Danica.

This is Ford's first time having sex in an actual bed.

Ford: Soooooooo, how'd you like to be a surrogate mother to the alien spawn I'm carrying?

Danica: I... wait, what?

AFTER NEARLY FOUR YEARS OF PLAYING THIS GAME, I AM FINALLY GOING TO HAVE AN ALIEN BABY!

Ford spent the rest of the night watching the waves and reflecting on becoming a father or some shit like that.

I swear, Kenneth stands there and stares at Lesley all day long until every single one of his needs are in the red.

Ford's pregnancy is leaving him quite drained. He has to eat at least two helpings of every meal in order to keep his hunger bar full for, oh, maybe a couple of hours.

He also bitches about his back hurting him all the time, and his comfort level is always low. It figures that even in a videogame a man would whine and moan about something that women endure without complaint, doesn't it?

Pay no attention to the OMSPs...

Danica: ALL RIGHT, I'M HERE. LET'S GET THIS THE FUCK OVER WITH.

Fuck yeah, you bet I did.

I think they're my new favorite couple! I love them together.

NO, KENNETH.

Danica's been here for two minutes and she's doing more to take care of herself than Kenneth has done in the years he's been in the Wilder family.

He proves my point by going into hygiene desperation while in a bathroom that has both a shower and a bath.

At least he finally found his bed!

Ford: SCUSE ME! THERE'S A RUMBLY IN MY TUMBLY!

I always hit random, but this time I was actually hoping it would result in twins so I wouldn't have to go through the trouble of getting Ford abducted again.

And sure enough!

Baby number one, a girl named Vega!

And baby number two, a girl named Vesper!

And you know what this means, don't you?

Baby number three, a boy named Vale.

Ford: WAIT, I'M NOT DONE YET!

Baby number four, a boy named Vox.

Ford: Well, my job here is done. I'm going back to bed.

ISBI STATS

Torch-Holders: 2
Permaplat Sims: 1
Fights: 0
Fires: 1
Self-Wettings: 2
Pass-Outs: 3
Accidental Deaths: 0
Social Worker Visits: 1
Shrink Visits: 1
Social Bunny Visits: 0
Alien Abductions: 1
Supernatural Sims: 5

Wilder Legacy 6:3

2009-05-17T16:11:42Z

LAST TIME: Everyone almost died because they ran out of food and had no money to buy more. Shephard made it through childhood disaster-free, but Ford was taken away by the social worker ~~and magically returned via the powers of boolProp~~. Lesley and Kenneth became exhibitionists.

Kenneth: Grrrrrrrrr!

Shephard: Yeah, grrrrrrrrr! :D

Apparently, Kenneth has eyes in the back of his head. Also, Ford is enjoying his father's display of attraction far too much.

Since I got rid of the barre, this is Ford's new favorite thing to do.

He's always making meals for the family. What a good little ISBI Sim.

Lesley: Oh, hi Mom... no, nothing much has happened since I saw you last. Oh, I got married to my elementary school headmaster and we have two teenaged sons. But you know, nothing important.

Kenneth worries a lot, but so far, he hasn't suffered aspiration failure. It's only a matter of time...

Allow me to introduce you to The Saddest Mailboy Ever.

Deliverydude: ...Oh, shit. Not this house again.

Deliverydude: Here's your groceries, ma'am! That comes to $436.

Lesley: What? Uh... I don't live here.

Deliverydude: Here's your groceries, sir! That comes to—

Kenneth: FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

With a fridge full of groceries, whatever will Kenneth have for lunch?

Well. It's better than milk.

Shephard's not talking to himself; Ford's just around the corner. Why they couldn't sit somewhere with more room than the hall, like oh, I don't know, anywhere else in the house, is beyond me.

Ford: So, my theory is that Jacob is God and... oh, gross, I think Mom and Dad are about to have sex.

Kenneth: Hell yeah we are!

Take one last look at young, beautiful Lesley...

Because age was not kind to her.

Kenneth is no prize himself.

Lesley: Oh, you're leaving for college, are you? Wow, am I ever going to miss you boys!

Ford: Then why are you smiling so much?

Lesley: I... I was just thinking of a joke your father told me earlier!

Nice outfit, Lumberjack Shephard.

I only just noticed when I was editing these pictures that I gave Shephard the same glasses as his father. Oh well, it's not like we'll be seeing much of him, anyway.

Because Ford is our heir!

FORD WILDER

Aspiration: ROMANCE/Pleasure
LTW: Become Rock God

Zodiac: Gemini
Sloppy/Neat: 4
Shy/Outgoing: 5
Lazy/Active: 10
Serious/Playful: 1
Grouchy/Nice: 6
OTH: Sports

Turn Ons: Brown hair and cooking skills
Turn Off: Make-up

Fittingly, the very first thing Ford did in college was belt out some tunes on the karaoke machine. And because I have never in my life heard anyone sing as badly as our aspiring Rock God...

He totally gets that talent from Lesley. (Also, that video was good quality but Youtube raped it. Sorry.)

That guitar you hear in the background was Shephard, who ironically has more musical skill than his brother.

Heh.

All right, who let this twelve-year-old into college?

This is the first time I'm using elevators. To oblige my excitement, Ford steadfastly refuses to use the stairs.

Oh for god's sake, not again!

Oh, good, he's just bi. (Yup, I am a raging homophobe for not wanting to let my male heirs be knocked up by other guys. Totally.)

Well. At least he gets right to the point.

Apparently she's into vulgarity.

I gave her a makeover and was shocked to see how stunning she is! And, her name is Kendra, which happens to be one of my favorite names for some reason. She's making me reconsider my plan to... well, nevermind that for now.

This is the first time I've used the drafting table. I was so excited to see what sort of masterpieces Ford would come up with...

And this piece of shit is what I got. Hopefully he'll get better as he builds his creativity skills.

Aw, look! Shephard's found a friend!

Don't be fooled, this isn't Shephard being competent and sleeping in his own bed... it's Ford's. And Balding Elf Dormie has a perfectly good desk in his own room, so he can GTFO, too.

Ford reclaimed his bed, but Shephard's girlfriend spent the entire night in his room, doing assignment after assignment. I locked his door in the morning.

I accidentally clicked on Shephard and got a peek at his wants. Poor baby misses his mummy and daddy.

Shephard: Oh no, don't lift a finger to help, that's fine, I've got it taken care of.

Chef: Okay. I won't.

Every time one of the boys walks by, Kendra strikes poses. I don't know why she's trying so hard. I already love her, and that means Ford will ~~be forced to~~ love her, too.

Ford: You've won me over, baby. Lay one on me!

Kendra: Um, no, you must've gotten the wrong idea with those poses. I was just trying to impress Tyra!

Ford: Oh. Okay. That's cool. No problem.

He managed to play it cool until he got around the corner, where he had a total breakdown.

How is it possible that my first shrink visit is for my controllable Sim? God, I really do fail. Also, please take notice of Shephard's girlfriend waiting to pounce.

Donna: You poor dear! I'll cheer you up! Give me a hug! I LOVE YOU.

Ford: Ehehe, boobies. Wait, what was that last part?

Ford: Um. Hi. You again. Look, I kind of need to get out of the booth.

Donna: I LOVE YOU.

Ford: Okaaaaaay, I'll just get out the other way.

Ford: Crazy bitch...

She followed him into the bathroom to "wash her hands". Which Sims never seem to do unless it's a stalking opportunity.

Ford: Shit, did she already see me?

Shephard: Don't worry, I'll distract her.

Shephard: Oh Donna, you are so beautiful... so sweet... so lovely.

Donna: Ooh. My heart is all a-fucking-flutter.

Really. Either push him off or do a better job of pretending to enjoy it.

Meanwhile, Ford isn't having any better luck with the object of his affection.

Luckily, he has other options.

After I decorated the boys' rooms, I kept getting this error for Shephard. I did what any seasoned Sim player would: I deleted Shephard and reloaded the dorm.

And that's when he pulled a Mina Dork on me.

I admit it, I toyed with the idea of staging some hot gay twincest. But I resisted.

He refuses to give up on Donna.

Even though she's finally started to reject him.

Shephard: What's wrong, my delicate flower? Has something upset you? Here, let Shephard make it all better...

Donna: GOD, GET AWAY FROM ME! I'M NOT YOUR DELICATE FUCKING FLOWER!

...I have never seen a Sim reject a cheering up before. Whoa.

I decided to let Ford try his charms on the other women in the dorm, but that clearly didn't go well.

Ford: GERBITS! GERBITS! GOOOOOOOOO—

Raver: STOP! STOP! MY EARS! YOU CAN'T SING FOR SHIT!

Oh, good luck with that.

OH. OKAY THEN.

Elsewhere, Shephard finally gets his girl, too! Or... does he?

Donna: HI FORD! LET'S EAT LUNCH TOGETHER!

Ford: But... that bowl was empty when you sat down.

Donna: I'm... on a diet!

Shephard does have certain smarts: he'll take the stairs when there's a crowd waiting for the elevator. Ford, on the other hand, still has never stepped foot into the stairwell.

This is constantly what the dining area looks like, despite having a maid "clean" every day. I really regret putting so many tables in there.

Our aspiring rock god strongly favors the drums. He almost always has a want to play them, and rarely pays any attention to the other six musical outlets in the dorm.

Every time she approaches, I hear the Jaws theme in my head.

Donna: WOW WHAT AWESOME WORKOUT WEAR, FORD!

Ford: Ignore her, ignore her, ignore her...

She's like his fucking shadow.

Too bad there are no double beds in the dorm.

However: there is an elevator!

Donna limbers up just in case Ford wants a second round.

Well, you wouldn't be so damned tired if you'd put the guitar down once in awhile to take a nap!

I have to give him his due, though. After trying to sleep in Ford's room the first few nights, Shephard's had no issues sleeping in his own bed. He really has been quite the easy ISBI Sim.

I sent Ford downtown in hopes of running into an evil witch or wizard (mostly so he could clean up the dining area of the dorm with the wave of a wand, and not have to suffer bottomed-out environment needs all the damn time). No luck here, but Ford had at least three or four people lined up to talk to him at any given time.

Look familiar? It's Julian and May's daughter, April. She's Ford's great-great-aunt.

April: Look, you're cute, but I don't think it would work between us. I'm a lot older than you. Plus there's the fact that we're related.

Ford: Huh. You make a good point.

Ford spent an entire day at three different downtown lots and the only witch that showed was Elsie the Nauseatingly Good Witch or whatever they're called. And I don't want another one of those.

So it was on to Plan B.

I invited Lesley over and used her one elderhood command to call a taxi, since she has access to the Fortress of Eternal Darkness and could introduce Ford to the witch or wizard there.

But apparently it's a pretty damned elite place, because Ford would not get into the taxi with her. And I called it three separate times. Foiled again!

SO THEN. I decided, to hell with it, he can be a good witch. But he couldn't ask Lesley to teach him the ways of the light even though their relationship was at 100/100. I guess he's a muggle.

You know, I'm starting to feel sorry for Donna. She's always following Ford around, trying to get his attention... so I took pity on her.

Ford: Okay. If I kiss you once, will you leave me alone?

Donna: Absolutely!

Donna: Suckerrrrrrrrr!

I don't think I mentioned this before, but Shephard's a popularity Sim. And despite living in a dorm with ten other people, he never gets enough social interaction.

Or sleep, apparently.

Twelve-Year-Old: I wonder what it feels like to touch a man...

Oh. Great!

GREEEEAAAAAAAAAT.

Shephard: NOOOOOOOOOOOO HOW COULD I FAAAAAAAAAIL! I'M GONNA GET KICKED OUT OF COLLEGE AND SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE FLIPPING BURGERRRRRRRRRRRS!

Balding Elf Dormie: Excuse me?

Balding Elf Dormie: What's so wrong with flipping burgers for a living, huh? I've been doing it since I was eighteen, when I first came to college thirty years ago!

Balding Elf Dormie: Now my whole appetite's ruined thanks to that asshole!

Shephard: *WIBBLE*

Balding Elf Dormie: I'm going to choke that fucker in his sleep.

Donna: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

Virgin Ears: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH, SOMEONE IS FORNICATING IN THE ELEVATOR! I CAN HEAR THEM MOANING! I CAN HEAR THEIR BODIES SLAPPING AGAINST EACH OTHER! OH BLESSED MARY AND JOSEPH, MY VIRGIN EARS ARE BLEEDING!

Okay. I've seen Sims cheer for sex, I've seen Sims show disgust at sex, but I've never seen a Sim cover their ears to escape the deafeaning noise of sex...? Which is what this guy did the entire time Ford and Donna were in there. Yeah.

Virgin Ears: SINNERS! YOUR EVERLASTING SOULS WILL ROT IN HELL FOR THE EVIL YOU JUST DID IN THAT ELEVATOR! AND NEXT TIME BE A LITTLE QUIETER ABOUT IT, WOULD YOU?

Ford: lol, no.

Our second attempt to hunt down an evil witch resulted yet again in only Elsie the Nauseatingly Good Witch. Who Ford was actually quite attracted to.

Dogface: HEEEEYYYYYY IF YOU'RE INTO WITCHES I COULD SHOW YOU MY MAGICAL WAND SOMETIME!

Look! It's Q Dork!

Look! It's Audrina Hale!

LOOK IT'S THE UNSAVORY CHARLATAN EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! This is the first time I've seen him in my game!

Unsavory Charlatan: IMAGINE, MY YOUNG FRIEND! Imagine a world where chivalry is not dead! Where kids don't lose their virginity until they're at least fourteen! Where being gay doesn't mean taking it up the ass! IMAGINE ALL THE PEOPLE, LIVING LIFE IN PEACE!

Ford: Uh... okay...

Unsavory Charlatan: Together, we can make this world a reality! TOGETHER WE CAN SHUN THESE VULGAR MODERN TIMES AND BRING BACK THE DAYS OF YORE! For three easy payments of only $99.95.

Ford: Please stop touching me.

Yes, Ford. You've been swindled.

OH MAN FISTICUFFS!

Yeah! You tell him, Ford! BUT WAIT, WHO'S THAT IN THE BACKGROUND?

IT IS DANICA FUCKING DALLAS!

Of course she's totally down with flirting with a guy she just this very second met. That's my girl!

Face template replacements

2009-05-16T13:41:09Z

I decided to tackle the lofty project of making my own face template replacements. I'm about halfway there in making the faces themselves, but the programming part of it is going to be where I want to throw my hands up in defeat. When that happens, I need you guys to say things to make me feel guilty and shameful about even considering quitting, all right?

My plan is to use Sims gathered from all over the internet as starting points. Why? Because every player has their own style that comes out when creating Sims, and as a result, most of their Sims will have a similar look. I'm definitely guilty of this myself! So, in order to have a set of Sims who all look completely different from one another, I figured, why not use Sims made by completely different people?

Here's some previews of the faces I've made so far. Let me know what you think?

Nothing much to say about this one. I think she started as a Sim from GOS, but I changed her so much I can't be sure.

I really love this one, but it was based off of a Sim on GOS, and I'm waiting the green light by her original creator to use. Fingers crossed!

Based off of Q Dork! Thanks, katu!

Based off of Aloe Brandt! Thanks, prescilla_bean!

Based off of Riley Brandt! More thanks, prescilla_bean!

My own boy, Kellen Lang, who you can download from GOS.

If y'all don't recognize this bitch, shame on you. I think I'm going to tweak her, though... after further consideration I'm not really comfortable with Danica's face being spread around like some cheap whore (even though... she was a cheap whore). If you do want Danica herself, you can download her here!

Wilder Legacy 6:2

2009-04-26T18:52:35Z

LAST TIME: The sixth generation began with boys Shephard and Ford. Kenneth nearly died several times because stalking Lesley > eating. Lesley became a good witch and sparkled until I got an anti-Cullen hack.

So here's what happened. Lesley got home from work and I spent most of her paycheck on paying bills and buying new furniture. Then I sent her to make dinner. But the fridge was empty.

You will notice by the helpful arrows I have placed that Lesley wouldn't be going to work, and therefore earning any more money, for another three days.

So I spent their last $42 on groceries. But that didn't buy enough food to make a full meal.

So she made the only thing she could: a platter of chips and pretzels. Those are some expensive chips and pretzels, goddamn.

Instead of selling back everything I just bought, I had Lesley give financial advice (because clearly she is in a position to do so). And so the crisis was passed!

Well, it figures.

What are you looking so devious about, Shephard?

OH REALLY. The gnome that was stolen before you were even a fertilized embryo? Well, good job!

Shephard: Dad? There's pizza over here, you know.

Kenneth: Pizza? Where? I... can't... feel it...

Kenneth: I WANT PIZZA TOOOOOOOOOO

Shephard: Should we help him?

Lesley: Nah, it's funnier this way.

All Ford does all day is dance. There is some magnetic force binding him to the barre, I swear it.

Ford: HANG ON. I'm not sleeping in the same bed as my brother! Gross!

Well, sleep in your own bed, then. You can have it all to yourself!

Can't quite afford an occult room yet, so Lesley has an occult corner.

And Kenneth's search for the perfect recipe for a molotov cocktail continues.

Not sure what happened here. I figured Ford must've teased him or poked him or something.

But then he was all super nice and friendly so maybe Shephard was just having an emotional day.

After all, Ford has emotional days all the time.

Ford: Hey Dad, Shephard's a pussy!

Shephard: WHY ARE YOU SO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAN

Growing up time!

You should be smug! You're an ISBI Sim; it's a feat that you're still alive, let alone thriving.

Turns out he's more a mixture between his parents than I thought. He definitely has Lesley's eyes, and her long face.

Not sure who he inherited those diamond cut-outs from, though.

He seems to be losing intelligence as he ages, though. That would've been Shephard glugging milk if Kenneth hadn't made it to the fridge first.

A spare tire I can handle, but BACK FAT? OH DEAR GOD EYEBLEACH PLZ.

Luckily, Lesley can melt fat with the wave of her wand!

Shephard: ...Klaatu?

Ford has nightmares.

About his Uncle Luca. Um.

Ford. Put down the spaghetti and GO TO SCHOOL.

Ford: Okay, I'm ready for school! ...Hey, where'd the bus go?

And so another Wilder child spends his first day of school at home.

In other news, Kenneth still doesn't have a life.

SHIT.

Thank god he didn't take one of the beds.

Two days into his childhood, and he's halfway to maxing out his dance enthusiasm. See? I wasn't kidding when I said this is all he does all day.

Kenneth: WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FIND A GOOD BULK PETROL SUPPLIER?

Ford: Gosh, Dad, calm down. It's not the end of the world.

Ford WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FIND A GOOD PAIR OF POINTES?

Kenneth: ...He's kidding, right?

Shephard: No, don't think so.

Weatherman: Today's forecast is cold and frosty, due to hell freezing over early this morning.

He even made enough for the whole family! Okay, who are you and what have done with Kenneth?

This is becoming an alarming trend.

Lesley: Honey, I know you're afraid of being molested by older men, but I promise, you have nothing to worry about.

Lesley: Ah, I remember my first experience with an older man. He told me he'd be pleased to have me enter his fine institution... but really, it was he who entered mine.

Ford: *digs pencils into his brain to erase the memory of this conversation*

Lesley: Oh, Kenneth, tell me what a bad girl I am! Slap me with a ruler! Give me detention! Teach me a lesson!

Kenneth: Stop it. You're creeping me out.

Yeah, look all innocent now. Nobody buys it.

...FORD!

It would figure that he had a fear of missing the bus, too.

Mailman: ESCUE ME CAN I TALK TO YOU FO A MINUTE? I JUST WANNA LET YOU KNOW THE BACK OF YO HEAD IS RIDDICALUS. SO LISTEN I WAS WONDERIN'... CAN I GET YO NUMBA? CAN I HAVE IT? CAN I HAVE IT? CAN I? CAN I GET YO NUMBA? CAN I? CAN I? CAN I HAVE IT? CAN I HAVE IT? CAN I? CAN I HAVE IT? CAN I? CAN I? CAN I?

Ford: I AM ANGRY AT THE WORLD FOR NO REAL REASON!

Lesley: That's nice, dear.

Ballet makes it all better!

Except not. For some reason, his fun bar was emptying instead of filling every time he was at the barre. So he'd be caught in this cycle of whining about not having fun, and dancing, and whining, and dancing, and on and on.

And so eventually this happened.

Social Worker: Mr. Wilder, I am removing your child from this unhealthy household.

Kenneth: *SNORE*

Ford: Yeeeesssssssss!

I was curious to see if Kenneth even had a memory of Ford being taken, and he did... but he also had a memory of becoming his best friend after he was taken. Huh.

Lesley's plan: sleep with every social worker necessary to get her son back.

Cough.

Kenneth: God, I'm starving. Wait, I smell omelettes... where can I get omelettes?

Kenneth: Oh look, here's one. But wait... why did I want one, again?

Kenneth: Oh well, I'll just clean this up.

Lesley Wilder: outsparkling Edward Cullen since 2009.

Your... your son was stolen from you this week. Doesn't that even register on the richter scale?

Lesley flirted with the coworker she brought home from work that day...

And immediately afterwards stripped down to have sex with her husband on the living room couch. Ponytail didn't seem to mind. In fact, he seemed to like it.

Ponytail: Man, this is so hot.

Kenneth: I know, right?

Ponytail: My turn!

Kenneth: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Oh, fuck you, Kenneth.

Well, at least Shephard has a reason to be a crybaby now.

Magical apple? Silly cartoon character? Did these new topics come with Apartment Life? Because I have never seen them before.

...

Wet dream?

Ford: I THINK I'M GONNA EXPLODE!

Lesley: That's nice, dear.

Oh fuck yeah.

A week after I put it there, someone finally realizes there's a telescope on the front yard.

Shephard: NO! I AM IN SERIOUS CONSTELLATION DEPRIVATION! I MUST STARGAZE MORE!

Um, I'm not sure how your two sons remind you of your smoking wife, but please, Kenneth. Stop. You're weirding me out.

Shephard: I HAD A REAL SHOT AT BEING HEIR UNTIL YOU CAME ALONG WITH YOUR SMOLDERING GOOD LOOKS, YOU SEXY JERK.

Ford: I am pretty sexy.

Shephard: AND YOU. WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS DRINKING OUT OF THE MILK CARTON WHEN I WANT TO DRINK OUT OF THE MILK CARTON?

A little later, I discovered Kenneth sitting on the floor, reading a book out loud. There was no one else in the room, except Shephard, who was sleeping. I was puzzled.

Read to sleep? When did that happen?

Unlike his brother, Ford does not has the dumb as a teenager. He can take care of himself quite well! +10 Heir Points!

And he loves the telescope. Which is very important. Another +10 Heir points!

Lesley: I am so sorry that I hugged that guy with a ponytail! I deserve to be punished! Go ahead, bend me over your lap and give me a good spanking! Show me what happens to little girls when they're bad!

Kenneth: Stop it.

And we shall leave off today with a very well endowed Bigfoot, if that large tuft of hair between his legs is any indication.

ISBI STATS

Torch-Holders: 1
Permaplat Sims: 1
Fights: 0
Fires: 1
Self-Wettings: 2
Pass-Outs: 2
Accidental Deaths: 0
Social Worker Visits: 1
Shrink Visits: 0
Social Bunny Visits: 0
Alien Abductions: 0
Supernatural Sims: 1

Fairweather Suites | Seven Bi-Level Apartments

2009-04-25T04:40:56Z

This is the first lot I've ever uploaded. I hope I did it right.

Fairweather Suites is an apartment complex that has seen better days. Its seven bi-level apartments feature peeling paint, filthy floors, and decrepit decor (and alliteration, apparently). Six of the suites have one bedroom, while the larger corner suite has two. There is a central common area with a patio table and chairs, a grill, a swimming pool, a playground, and a basketball net. The laundry room doubles as a rec room, with a jukebox, pinball machine, and photo booth. It is built on a 3x3 lot.

The rent ranges from $1,582 to $1,988. In order to rent it furnished, you must either download Carrigon's Apartment Door Hack (you'll need to register for the board), or follow the cheat at the bottom of this Wiki. The decor is rather sparse, because A. why pack a lot full of things you won't see once townies move in, and B. it allows you to personalize your individual Sims' homes.

Now, there's a little issue with the CC. Particularly, the Maxis object recolors I used didn't package with the lot. Fortunately, I remembered where I got all of them from, so I included them, in separate folders, in the zip (ETA: They actually are included now. Please redownload!). Unfortunately, I had to include unnecessary recolors for the beds, closet, and spiral stairs, simply because I didn't know which one was which. There are also some unnecessary recolors in the package file itself, but not many. And last but not least, I'm not sure if the bedding is included... and I got it years ago, and have no idea where. If you run into any problems with the CC, please let me know and I will try my best to resolve the issue.

Apartment Life is, obviously, required; as is Nightlife, as I used objects from it. I also have University, Seasons, and Free Time, and while I don't think I used anything from them, you may require them to run this lot. You also must have the Color Enabler Package for the Maxis recolors to work.

SORRY ABOUT THE TL;DR. ONTO THE GOOD SHIT.

The Yard

The Laundry/Rec Room

The Apartments

The Layout

!!! DOWNLOAD !!!

CC By:

Aviolina @ GOS
Fiddledeedee @ GOS
Apollo @ GOS
Gneas @ GOS
TwistedFATE @ GOS
Yuxi @ GOS
Club Crimsyn
Pixel Dolly
Tribecca Sims
Parsimonious
Ogularama
4ever Sims Fantasy
Holy Simoly
Simply Styling
8th Deadly Sim
Easter Egg
Sim 2 Me
Sims 2 Play
Sims 2 Design
Sims 2 Studio
Around the Sims 2
CTNutmegger @ MTS2
Aushog @ MTS2
Guatla @ MTS2
Pixelhate @ MTS2
Nengi65 @ MTS2
Sixbullets @ MTS2
Tkdjunkie @ MTS2
JohnBrehaut1 @ MTS2
Sunair @ TSR
Msbarrows @ TSR
Shakeshaft @ TSR
Cyclonesue @ TSR
Murano @ TSR
DOT @ TSR
Padre333 @ TSR

Wilder Legacy 6:1

2009-03-17T17:28:55Z

LAST TIME: Lesley lived a fabulous life of absolute poverty. Her jilted lesbian lover stole all of her newspapers, her precious few possessions caught on fire while she was having sex with her former school headmaster and present betrothed, and she prepared for the birth of her first child by putting a roof over their heads (but no walls). All in all, it was pretty sad.

And here is the first child of generation six: a boy, Shephard!

Try two feet to your right, Kenneth.

Against my better judgement, I let Lesley go to work while Kenneth stayed home and ~~ate Chinese food all day~~ took care of Shephard, because she was making far more than he would have in an entry-level job.

Let's see if he can survive eight hours on his own.

Guess that'd be a no. For god's sake, Lesley made it five whole days without a toilet in the ~~house~~ yard at all, and you can't last a few hours with one right in front of you?

Well, there is a bright side.

After being neglected all day, Shephard wet his diaper. Kenneth lectured him. Hypocrisy. He has it.

THANK GOD.

Now, to refresh you all on my own spin on the poverty challenge (because I know how much you care), I am letting my Sims get promotions, but I am cutting every single paycheck they bring home in half. Also, only one Sim at a time is allowed to hold a job.

So, today's bonus bought walls! Not enough for actual rooms, though. Eh, babies never remember this stuff, anyway.

Kenneth. I know you know there is a bed, because you were just having sex in it. So why. Are you sleeping. On the couch. You idiot.

Lesley: HOW COULD YOU BREAK THE SINK! IT'S THE ONLY RUNNING WATER WE HAVE! NOW WE'LL HAVE TO DRINK OUT OF THE TOILET! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? HUH? ARE YOU?

Kenneth: God, you're so hot when you belittle me.

'Sup, Liam?

OHSHIT.

Lesley: I HAVE NO MONEY AND NO JOB AND WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE

Um, just go online and get a new job.

Lesley: CAN'T YOU SEE I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR THAT RIGHT NOW GOD

Fixing the sink is an acceptable activity when you're ALL GONNA DIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE, though.

Lesley: Honey, please give me the baby. It's time for him to blow out the candles.

Kenneth: But we're ~bonding~

Very cute, but I don't see anything of Lesley in him.

Lesley: Shephard, your father and I have to... talk in private. Can you go into the other room?

Shephard: THERE IS NO OTHER ROOM.

Morning sickness or food poisoning? Too early to tell.

...HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. AUTONOMOUS TICKLE.

AUTONOMOUS PEEKABOO?!

AUTONOMOUS STORYTELLING?!

AUTONOMOUS POO DISPOSAL?!

I'M SURROUNDED BY COMPETENCY!

Kenneth: Oh Wilson, it must have been so great to live in a tropical paradise with Tom Hanks. I wish I could be stranded on an island for years, too.

False alarm.

It's official!

Kenneth: God, I'm hungry. Where'd you get those pancakes?

Lesley: There's a whole plate of them in the kitchen.

Eight hours later:

Kenneth: God, I'm hungry. Why isn't there ever anything to eat in this place?

Lesley: If you'd just be patient, I'm making din—

Kenneth: *GLUG GLUG* CAN'T HEAR OVER GLUGGING

Oh, shut the fuck up. So what if it's burnt. I'll keep you alive longer than milk will.

Oh sure! You're all cute and obedient when Daddy's playing with you, but as soon as Mommy wants to teach you important life skills you throw a fit. Fine, crap your pants for all I care.

While Lesley's on maternity leave, I used Kenneth's one adulthood action to get him a job. Here's his carpool, picking him up for his first day at work. And where is Kenneth?

Yeah.

He actually made an appearance the following day, and by some miracle, got a promotion.

Kenneth: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH A PROMOTION THAT'S HORRIBLE WHAT'D I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIIIIIIIIIIIIS

Shephard grew up well. I guess all that storytelling and peekaboo paid off.

Momma's boy.

Later that night, I found Kenneth and some old guy eating rotten Chinese food that'd been sitting at the back of the lot since before Shephard was born.

A+

Excuse me, but sharing rotten Chinese food does not a proposition make.

Lesley: Mmmmm, I'm in the mood for roasted babby.

Shephard: ...Ohmygod.

LABOR TIME!

Another boy, Ford!

What do you think? Could roasted babby win the blue ribbon?

Excellent powers of deduction, there.

Shephard was VERY EXCITED TO TRY THIS CUISINE ACTIVITY FOR THE FIRST TIME! This is, like, two days after his birthday.

Gonna go way out on a limb here and guess that he's a lazy Sim.

You just know that he's going to whine about the baby being in the way of the food now.

Speaking of things being in the way, Shephard is trapped in the house by a magazine. Because god forbid anyone steps on a magazine!

I cheated and checked out his stats because I knew he couldn't be hungry again so soon. I was right. Damn pig.

Lesley: I don't see anyth—

Shephard: BOMBS AWAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Shephard: HAH! GOTCHA!

Lesley: BUT THE WATER BALLOON IS STILL INTACT HOW IS THIS HAPPENING

...

Shephard missed the bus on his first day of school because he was eating. I am not surprised by this.

I had Lesley call for groceries just before leaving for work that evening, thinking that Kenneth would accept the delivery like he has before. Well, things never work out quite like you want them to, do they?

Kenneth: Can Ford say "doorbell"? Say it, Ford! Say "doorbell"!

Ford: Doorbell. Now will you answer the damn thing?

Kenneth: GOOD BOY, FORD! GOOOOOOOOOD BABY! BABY CAN SPEAK!

Crickets: *chirp*

Kenneth: Lalala.

Ford: Dad? Aren't you going to answer the door?

Kenneth: Eh?

Several hours later, Deliverydude is getting frustrated.

SO SURE JUST COME RIGHT ON INTO THE HOUSE UNINVITED AND SCRATCH YOUR ARMPITS, WHY THE HELL NOT.

For several more hours, he walked aimlessly around the house, stopping every now and then to throw a tantrum.

I wasn't kidding.

Oh, he surfed the net for some porn, too. Completely acceptable deliveryman behaviour, don't you think?

He finally left, shortly after midnight. Looks like his truck was smarter and left earier.

You know a great way to make it stop smelling so bad? CHANGE ITS DIAPER.

A spare tire at the tender age of eight.

Thankfully, he finished breakfast in time to go to his second day of school. Which will actually be his first. And he's already failing.

Kenneth spent his day unable to choose between stalking Lesley and eating.

And this was only the last bit. It went on for at least three times this long.

Kenneth: Pancakes! Oh, what I wouldn't give for some pancakes right now.

Lesley: So have some. They're in the kitchen.

Kenneth: I'm sure watching you and Shephard eating will be fulfilling enough!

Ford grew up, and is a near clone of his brother. His nose is a little shorter.

Ford: Daddy, please change my diaper!

Kenneth: Oh, stop complaining. A little bacterial infection never hurt anyone.

Ford: PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE

Kenneth: CAN'T HEAR YOU

I believe this is the first time they interacted since they got married.

Hold on a second, they never actually got married. Let's fix that.

Who you talking to, sweetheart?

Oh look! Elsie, the Infallibly Good Witch, has come to visit!

Shephard: Mommy, are you having sex with that sparkly lady?

Lesley: ... :O

BET YOU DON'T SPARKLE THIS MUCH, DO YOU, EDWARD.

She immediately ran outside to perform her first spell, pointing her wand at the house. I thought she was going to turn it into a castle or something.

But she just made some butterflies. Lame.

Lesley: WOW THIS IS JUST LIKE IN HARRY POTTER!

Lesley: Uh, where'd my broom go?

Okay, nobody told me this witch business was going to cost money!

Took me a few minutes to realize that A. you can use the spellbooks and cauldrons in the castle for free, and B. Lesley already had one of each in her inventory, anyway.

Back at home, Ford is glued to his logic toy. I don't think he touched the other three once throughout his toddlerhood.

And Shephard gets major points for making a snow angel! My Sims so rarely autonomously play in the snow that I get excited every time it does happen.

He obsessively takes out the trash, too. Pretty much every time someone puts something in it.

DON'T

Oh, if only the social worker could see us now.

I hate the mess that splashing creates, but seriously. There aren't many things in life that are more adorable than this.

Okay, except maybe this.

Lesley: Look, it's great that you and your brother get along and all, but could you GTFO NOW?

Why is it that this sort of thing only happens to my controllable Sim?

And here we go again.

Aaaaaand that's all for now because that's 100 pictures and I wouldn't want to be long-winded or anything.

ISBI STATS

Torch-Holders: 1
Permaplat Sims: 0
Fights: 0
Fires: 1
Self-Wettings: 2
Pass-Outs: 2
Accidental Deaths: 0
Social Worker Visits: 0
Shrink Visits: 0
Social Bunny Visits: 0
Alien Abductions: 0
Supernatural Sims: 0

Yeah, right.

2009-03-16T14:42:58Z

I just noticed that the bandwidth has been exceeded on the new Photobucket I made only eighteen days ago for the last Wilder update.

That means one of three things:

A. 873 people have read the last Wilder update (see post title).
B. Someone is hotlinking my images to a very wide audience (see post title again).
C. Photobucket is FUCKING BULLSHIT.

Now I have to wait until the bandwidth resets on the 27th to do the next update. Unless I just make another new Photobucket.

Wilder Legacy 5:5

2009-02-27T21:30:18Z

LAST TIME: The triplets went to college, where Lesley and Lane continued to be archenemies, and Luca tried and failed to be the peacemaker. Lesley was declared heir, and post-graduation went to live in an ominously empty lot.

WARNINGS: This is a really fucking huge update.

So, here we are on a fresh lot, ready for the remix I've wanted to do for awhile now: the Wilder Legacy is now an ISBI Legacy, with a side order of Poverty Challenge for kicks!

With the §100 allowed by Poverty Challenge rules, I bought Lesley a chair and a garden plot. Tip for future purveyors of the Poverty Challenge: don't waste money on garden plots. I thought it was a smart way to get food for next to nothing, but I'd forgotten how long it takes for anything to grow.

But, at least it gave her something to do for the first, I don't know, five minutes of her new life.

At first I thought, "Thank god for the newspaper!" But it took her all of ten minutes to exhaust its offerings.

Thankfully, someone arrived to entertain her even before the welcome wagon came by.

Some Townie: I really think I'm at that time in my life when I'm ready to settle down and fall in love.

Lesley: WHAT A COINCEDENCE! SO AM I!

Lesley: I'll have my ~~newspaper~~ bags packed in a second! We're going to have a wonderful life together!

Nice try, Lesley.

When the welcome wagon did show up, she paid no attention to them.

Absolutely none.

Totally and completely ignored them.

Probably because this is what happens when she does socialize.

Then her head started steaming.

Wait, what?

I got her a job in the paranormal field, which, since she's a college graduate with a healthy amount of skill points, wasn't the entry level job you are limited to in the Poverty Challenge. To make up for it, I cut every amount of money she brought home in half. I'm also not going to restrict my Sims from getting promotions, but I'm only going to allow one Sim to have a job at a time.

I hope they've got a cafeteria and a bathroom wherever she's working.

Driver: Here we... wait, where's your house?

Lesley: Oh, this is it.

Driver: ...Damn.

With that day's earnings, I bought her a gnome for socialization, fun, and an environment boost.

Lesley: GOD MY LIFE IS SUCH SHIT! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT SOMEHOW, YOU STUPID GNOME!

Lesley: Oh dear, I'm awfully sorry about that, Mr. Gnome. Here, let me help you up.

Lesley: ACTUALLY, I'M STILL ANGRY! IF I GOT THE SHORT END OF THE STICK IN LIFE, YOU SHOULD, TOO!

Lesley: No, no, that's really unfair of me. I'm sorry, Mr. Gnome. Please forgive me?

In the morning, her one-time lesbian lover came by to express how upset she was about Lesley cheating on her while they were still in college.

AND THEN THE BITCH STOLE THE GNOME. I didn't have that thing for an entire day and just like that, it's gone. I waited and waited for Lesley to run off to steal it back, but it never happened. Damn her ten nice points.

So, it's back to the newspaper for entertainment.

As soon as she puts it down to play with the ~~SKIPPING ROPE OF ECSTATIC JOY!~~ skipping rope of mild amusement, the angry lesbian returns to snatch it up, too.

Lesley ran over to shoo her away. It worked, for now.

So, um. Nothing wrong with this picture at all. Nope.

That last picture was actually supposed to show the Walk to Lot menu option which I'd completely forgotten about. I'd been anxiously waiting until we could afford a table and a phone so I could send Lesley to town in a taxi, when all along she was a short walk away from cleanliness!

And nutrition. I'm sure this is against Poverty Challenge rules, too, but she has too many neat points to eat out of the trashcan. I had no other choice!

Alexander: Oh my god, where did my fabulouth hairthtyle and outfit go? I am abtholutely atrociouth now! Don't look at me! DON'T LOOK AT MEEEEEEE!

ARMAGEDDON?!

Oh, just a good witch. This is the first one I've seen, and I was fully unprepared for the sparkles. Who the fuck do you think you are, bitch? Edward Cullen?

Orlando: Daaaaamn, girl, you're just as hot as your great-great-grandmother was about twelve decades ago!

Look at that face. She's meant to be a good witch. If only I could find a good default skin sans Cullen sparkles...

Back at home, Lesley catches some Zs in her chair.

And the angry lesbian returns to wreak more havoc.

Lesley: I sense a disturbance in the force...

Lesley: HEY! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE—PUT IT DOWN! PUT IT DOWN RIGHT—

Lesley: Oh, to hell with it. I've already read it twenty times, anyway.

Her head? Still steaming.

She got a bill for $8. FOR WHAT! We have no electricity, no plumbing, not even four walls and a roof to pay mortgate on!

Once a day, she gets to spend five minutes gardening. Really not the best investment I've ever made.

She has much more fun with puddles, and they're free!

Finally, we could afford a phone and a table to put it on (because Sims can't bend down far enough to reach it when it's on the ground, apparently). The first person I had her call was Astrid, for some motherly comfort.

Good to know her family's always there for her when she needs them!

I've got to admit, I'm surprised at how infrequently Lesley has complained about being tired, or hungry, or having to pee. I'm quite proud of her for handling this all so well!

I swear she hides just around the corner until Lesley falls asleep, and then swoops in to nab the newspaper.

Evan: Hello, sweetheart. I came to see your new... place.

Lesley: Oh! So, what do you think?

Evan: That I am really lucky imaginepageant didn't decide to remix this legacy in the last generation.

Looks like Leroy's got a job selling magazines in the afterlife. Good for you, Leroy!

Despite her energy bar being literally empty, I sent Lesley on a date with everyone's favorite green aviator-sporting townie! Who I was shocked to see isn't a knowledge Sim, like every other incarnation of him I've ever seen.

Some Creeper: HEEEEY NARCOLEPSY IS SEXY! CALL ME WHEN YOU WAKE UP, BABE!

At home, Lesley has her first pass-out. Oh well, it had to happen sometime.

You'd think the fireflies would just drop dead after flying through those toxic fumes, but nope, they've got lungs of steel.

Lesley: Look, I am truly sorry that I hurt your feelings back in college. But cut me some slack! Those newspapers are all I've got!

Angry Lesbian: Should've thought about that before you left me for DICK.

Ball of Stink: Nathan? Abigal? Aleysa? Where is everyone? Where am I?

I am shocked she made it this long. This is, like, her fifth day of adulthood or something.

Delivery Girl: 9 Destitune Lane... well, there's 7 Destitune Lane, and 11 Destitune Lane over there. Where's number 9?

Lesley: THIS IS IT THIS IS MY "HOUSE" AND THIS IS MY "LIFE" AND I HATE IT BAAAAAAWWWWWWWW

Lesley: Oooh, Chinese food!

Lesley: Chopsticks? Whare are chopsticks? *GORGE GORGE GORGE*

Oh my god I hate you.

WHAT? REALLY? GOOD JOB, LESLEY!

Look! I bought you a wall! And a shower! And if you wake up you'll see something really awesome right behind you!

A BED WE FUCKING HAVE A BED HELL YEAH!

Lesley: So then she stole Mr. Gnome, and I've been all alone since then. But now I have you, Wilson! Oh, we're going to have so much fun together!

I promised myself I wouldn't move her betrothed in until we could afford A. a bed big enough for the both of them, and B. something to cook with. But there's no harm in having him over for a visit, is there?

Kenneth: So, this is what my life will be like. And I don't have any choice in the matter, do I?

HAH. No.

And now...
Daydreams Of Our Lives
Starring Lesley Wilder

Twelve men, half of whom I've never seen before, and one very angry thought about Lane. What a way to spend an evening.

Magazines! Please, please tell me these cannot be stolen.

Lesley: Dear Diary, someday I will own a television. And not just any television, but a 50" plasma high-def television. It will be the best day of my entire life.

Lesley: NOOOOOOOOO I CAN'T LET THE DRIVER KNOW OF MY DREAMS FOR HIGH QUALITY ELECTRONICS!

Lesley: FORGET TELEVISION! NOW I CAN EAT! AWESOME!

Um. Shouldn't you take it out of the box first?

Lesley: Darling... I have a double bed now.

Kenneth: WELL WHAT THE HELL ARE WE WAITING FOR!

I will tell you this now: this is the one and only time sex was not autonomous.

Lesley: So? What would you grade me on that performance? A+? Would you be pleased to have me join your fine institution?

Kenneth: Uh, you're not my student anymore, you know.

After having sex for a second time, they took a break to go to the bathroom and fix a snack.

Uh, guys? I don't think your snack is quite done fixing.

...Guys?

GUYS?

Lesley: WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO MEEEEEEE

Kenneth: WHY COULDN'T IT WAIT UNTIL AFTER I GOT LAAAAAAID

I do believe Lesley is the first Sim I've ever had who actually called the fire department instead of dancing around in terror waiting for certain death.

Fireman: What were you guys doing when the fire started?

Lesley and Kenneth: NOTHING!

You didn't think they'd let something like a blazing inferno ruin the mood, did you?

Or, you could just NOT LEAVE FOOD IN THE OVEN WHILE YOU FUCK YOUR BOYFRIEND.

With all the sex they've had in the past day alone, I wouldn't be surprised if she's pregnant with octuplets.

...Were you living the same week I was watching?

It's almost like a real house now! All we're missing is walls! And... floors. And a door and windows. And lights. And... okay, nevermind.

I thought I'd be nice and send her out for some fun before being chained down to babies and a husband who won't be able to take care of themselves.

Why so upset?

Oh. Hey, Lane.

Jay: HOLY SHIT THAT ISN'T MINE IS IT?!

Lesley: ...Nice to see you, too.

At least there's one hot blonde who loves her.

This is it! The idiots are about to surround us! Hurrah!

The first thing Kenneth did as a member of the Wilder family as blog about... molotov cocktails?

Kenneth: HELLOOOOOOOO? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GOOGLE RECIPES FOR HYDROGEN BOMBS WHEN THIS ELEPHANT IS IN MY CHAIR?

Kenneth: That looks good. Can I have some?

Lesley: NO IT'S MINE *GORGE GORGE GORGE*

Here, have a cliffhanging labor shot.

NEXT TIME:
Babies are born. That's about all I remember right now!

STAY TUNED

Wilder Legacy 5:4

2009-02-24T18:43:48Z

LAST TIME: Grandma got run over by a reindeer. Lane and Lesley's fights were entertaining, but Luca was a great big bore. Astrid and Evan continued being the friskiest couple in the universe, except for when she started flirting with her coworker.

WARNING: LOTS OF ~~NUDITY BECAUSE I GIVE UP CENSORING~~ CENSORS BECAUSE ANIMATED BOOBS AND BUTTS ARE JUST TOO HARDCORE FOR THE INTERNETS.

We open this update with Astrid bedding aforementioned coworker, because... it is the first picture in my storytelling folder.

Evan was just across the hall, but the ever-so-annoying magic infidelity radar didn't kick in, luckily.

If you thought anything had changed between Lane and Lesley, you'd be wrong.

Lane: So you know that bitch who claims to be our sister?

Lane: I HOPE SHE GETS HIT BY A TRUCK.

Luca: LOLOLOL YOU'RE SO BAD!

It's all they ever gossip about.

Astrid: Sex sex sex sex sex

Luca: WHORE

Lane: Why'd you call Mom a whore?

Luca: I don't know, just a feeling I've got.

The catfights may seem gratuitous, but if I showed you every single attack between these two, this update would be five times as long.

I was stupid to hope anything would change in college.

All the years of torment have turned Lesley into a lean mean fighting machine.

She's still wholly left out of familial gatherings, though.

I put a performance stage in the dorm, and lived to regret it: these two rarely left it.

Lesley isn't having much luck getting twenty different lovers.

Possibly because this guy's holding out for Aunt Kemper.

Luca, meanwhile, has taken a liking to the cheerleader.

Luca: STUPID CHEERLEADER WHY'S SHE HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT GODDAMN BITCH

LET OPERATION: HEADMASTER BEGIN.

Lesley: Headmaster, please take this flower I just pulled out of my ass as a token of my affection.

Headmaster, Henceforth Known As Kenneth, Because... That Is His Name: SMELLS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

Didn't take much convincing.

Kenneth: Where are you going, gorgeous?

Lesley: Brb.

Lesley: WOULD YOU KNOCK IT OFF WITH YOUR DAMN TECHNO SHIT I'M TRYING TO GET LAID HERE

Sigh.

Okay, it's official: BEST HEADMASTER EVER.

Lesley: How you 'doin?

Kenneth: God, she's so hot when she's cheating on me.

Ellis: Sorry, but you're not my type.

Lesley: Here, have an assflower.

Ellis: CHANGED MY MIND.

Ellis: That constellation looks like an acrobat about to leap into the air.

Lesley: And that one? Over there? Looks like me spreading my legs for pretty much anyone with a penis.

Lesley: Ellis? Where'd you go?

Ellis: Holy shit, she was serious.

Inside, Lane gets her first kiss from an octogenarian. I don't know.

Okay, okay, I get it.

Some Dormie: OH THAT IS DISGUSTING, THEY'RE HAVING SEX RIGHT HERE IN THE HOT TUB IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY!

Some Dormie: ...Can I be next?

Luca gets his first kiss from the cheerleader while Lesley goes to work on the llama mascot. You can't say these two don't have school spirit!

That night, I found this.

I'm pretty sure Lane's just doing it to piss Lesley off.

Later, Lesley tries her luck with him again. Notice Lane's "approve" face? Such a voyeur.

Anyway, Jason (...I think that's his name) isn't having any of it. HE IS A ONE-WOMAN MAN, OKAY.

Y'all need to start putting coats on before you go outside.

Luca gets ~into the zone~ because all he does is play SSX3. All day long.

Luca: Look, I've got to tell you something about Lane...

Luca: I'm pretty sure she's plotting your death or something.

Lane: IT'S TOTALLY TRUE I HATE YOU AND WISH YOU WOULD DIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE

Luca: No, come on, girls, can't we just all get along? Say it with me! GOOOOOOOO TRIPLETS!

Luca: Eh, I tried.

I've lost count, but I think Lesley's pulling ahead by one or two victories.

Lesley: Oh dear sister, I am so sorry I just kicked your ass into next Tuesday. Can you ever forgive me?

Lane: I'M NOT LISTENIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNG

Way to avert your eyes there, Lesley.

Lesley: WHAT?! You want me to flirt with A GIRL?!

Yes. We're out of male dormies.

Lesley: Look, I am pretty much the only chick I'd ever do, so don't flatter yourself. I'm being forced into this.

Lesley: But please please please fall in love with me so I can live happily ever after?

And this is where I transferred the Wilders' neighborhood from my desktop to my laptop, and started using A. different defaults, and B. Gadwin PrintScreen, so picture quality takes a huge leap up from here on in. However, I think I may have over-sharpened; my apologies, I'm still getting used to the change.

Anyway, in order of appearance: Luca!

Lesley!

Lane!

They did this all on their own. I was so proud of them!

Think Lesley's a bit constipated, though.

Lesley: Sex sex sex sex sex

Like mother, like daughter.

Lesley: All this violence is turning me on. Meet you in the photobooth?

Jason: Hell yeah.

And so she finally got her (sister's) man.

Lesley: Ohshithereshecomes HEEEEEEY THE SEX WAS GREAT LAST NIGHT BABY

Lane: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

I know this is what always happens, but I was still surprised Lane didn't take Lesley's head off first.

She sang away her pain for the rest of the day.

This is what Lesley's relationship panel looks like. She hasn't had less than three bolts with anyone yet.

There's always at least one admirer stalking her, but they never seem to mind when she makes out with someone else.

I don't think I've ever seen a dormie autonomously take pictures of themselves before! Love the ~sexy~ poses, too.

Lane: GET THIS JERK OUT OF THE WAY OF MY SMUSTLING OR I WILL SERIOUSLY CUT A BITCH

InvisiJason: I am the luckiest. Guy. Ever.

On the other side of the room, Luca learns about the human body. Probably not so much from a book, though.

Immediately after, he heads upstairs with the cheerleader to put his new knowledge into practice.

Cheerleader: LUCA, LUCA, HE'S MY MAN, IF HE WON'T FUCK ME, NO ONE CAN! GOOOOOOOOOOO LUCA!

Lane: I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.

Lane: HELLO SISTER OF MINE, HOW ARE YOU DOING ON THIS FINE EVENING?

Lesley: She's up to something...

Yes. Yes she is.

Jason: Eh. Your sister was better.

Jason's Penis: *might be cut off later*

Lesley: They say dance is the language of love, you know.

Jason: This one's for you, Lesley! YOU IS SOOOOOOOOO BEAUTIFUUUUUUUUUL, TO MEEEEEEEE!

Ginger: So, hot tub or photobooth?

Jason: CAN'T YOU SEEEEEEeeEEeeEEEEEE! YOU'RE EVERYTHING I HOPED FOOOOOOOR! YOU'RE EEEEEEEEVERYTHING I DREEEEEEEEEEAMED!

OKAY POINT TAKEN EVERYONE, KEMPER WAS A HOTTIE.

Just in case you thought they'd stopped.

I don't think this should come as much of a surprise, but Lesley's heir. I think I decided the very first day she was a child and the other two started picking on her. I love her!

Lesley: God, I'm hungry.

No you're not. You're just an emotional eater.

Baldy: SO THEN I WAS LIKE, OH HAYULLLL NO I AM SO GON WORK MY VOODOO MAGIC ON YOUR TOMATA GARDEN, FOO!

Lesley: ...What?

OHHHHHHHHH GUESS WHO.

She's been chatting him up online since childhood. This is only logical!

I just realized how ironic Lane's pajamas are.

Peace, love, and happiness indeed.

Lane: IT'S RAININ' MEN! HALLELUJAH IT'S RAININ' MEN! HEY HEY!

Luca: Tall, blonde, dark and lean. Rough and tough and strong and... hold up, I'm not really comfortable singing this.

Lane: IT'S RAININ'—excuse me?

Luca: I just think it's a little inappropriate for a guy who's straight—

Lane: HOW DARE YOU QUESTION MY ABILITY TO CHOOSE KARAOKE SONGS GET OFF MY STAGE BEFORE I KICK YOU OFF BITCH

Because we've now run out of male and female dormies.

Oh great, Professor Fink's cousin.

Coach: Now kids, don't forget the benefits of stretching before strenuous activity!

Lesley: Oh, we won't.

I don't think she is, no.

And then everyone graduated and moved back home to Westmoreland!

Jason: OW SHIT MY EYE

But instead of returning to the riches of the legacy home, Lesley has a very different future in store...

NEXT TIME
Poverty!
Volleyballs!
Babies!

Mooooarrrrr

2009-02-02T21:08:20Z

We are the Youth: Retextures of Yu #015
DOWNLOAD

Not good enough for GOS, apparently.

2009-01-30T06:18:07Z

Young Modern Station: Recolor & Alpha Edit of Peggy #00560

Since GOS deleted my thread because there's an OH NOES GAP in the mesh (which I actually think is only because his head was in a weird position in that one picture), here is the preview and download link.

DOWNLOAD!
Mesh included!

MOAR RECOLORS!

2009-01-27T03:56:55Z

This is pretty much all I did this weekend.

Half-Full Glasses: Retextures of Yu #014
DOWNLOAD

Polystyrene Hat: Recolors of Yu #014
DOWNLOAD

My first upload!

2009-01-25T00:08:09Z

The Band is Back Together: Recolors of Yu #010
DOWNLOAD